A Milkman's Tale

Today In Alternate History

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The Announcement

Groggy Alternate Historian Says: The littlest historian has had a rough weekend, involving the escape of fluids and other horrible things from various orifices, so my night was not the most restful. So, Steve will get the whole post today – except for me reminding you to send in your alternate birthdays for me (August 14, 1965) and Steve (November 22, 1967) for our Birthday Contest!

Benny Hill	In 1973, a royal garden party at Buckingham Palace descended into farce. The comedian Benny Hill had been invited to accept the anachronistic award of Order of the British Empire. Not one to miss an opportunity for mischief, the Duke of Edinburgh asked where his milkman's outfit was.
Whereupon Mr Hill entered the Palace to change into a milkman's outfit and chased the female members of the Royal Family around the grounds of Buckingham Palace. Mary Whitehouse described the scenes as disgraceful. Many felt that perhaps the lady doth protest too much, and the scenes represented a deepest fear, secret fantasy.
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

In 1975, former President of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, Jimmy Hoffa was startled awake by Frank Sheeran at the two-story house at 17841 Beaverland in Detroit's tough Brightmoor neighborhood.
Jimmy Hoffa	Sheeran had some decoration worked planned for the afternoon. Lured to the Beaverland house by Sheeran, Hoffa would have his house "painted" when Sheeran fired two shots into his brain. First though, they had to met the Tralfamadorians; aliens who Kurt Vonngeut had likened to Plumber's friends.
You could say that Hoffa, Sheeran and the Tralfamadorians had divergent perspectives on death. For relaxation, Jimmy enjoyed boating trips wherein he and friends would chum the waters, shoot sharks with Thompson submachine guns and/or beat sharks to death with nail studded baseball bats. Sheeran was a professional killer whose conscience was troubled to some degree, forcing an improbably deathbed confession described by former Delaware chief deputy attorney general Charles Brandt in his book "I Heard You Paint Houses". The Tralfamadorians have the ability to experience reality in four dimensions; meaning, roughly, that they have total recall of both past and future, and they are able to randomly access any part of their lives from birth to death, at will. Able to see along the timeline of the universe, they know the exact time and place of its accidental annihilation by means of a Tralfamadorian experiment, but are powerless to prevent it. Because they believe that when a person dies, he is still alive in another time and place, they reply "So it goes" to news of a death. Consequently, they are placid in their fatalism. Even though Hoffa would die shortly after the meeting, they knew he was blissfully happy back in 1964 when he had signed the single national freight agreement, a huge breakthrough for the American labour movement. Both were simply points on the same continuum of course.
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain What a glorious feelin', I'm happy again I'm laughing at clouds, so dark up above The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love Let the stormy clouds chase everyone from the place
Gene Kelly	Come on with the rain I've a smile on my face I walk down the lane With a happy refrain Just singin', Singin' in the rain ~ Lyrics to “Singin' in the Rain” - Click to Watch Dance Scene (9mb)
Banned

Arguably the most gifted dancer of his generation, Gene Kelly was a lifelong Democratic Party supporter with strong progressive convictions, which frequently created difficulty for him as his heyday coincided with the McCarthy era in the US. In 1947, he was part of the Hollywood delegation which flew to Washington to protest at the first official hearings by the House Committee on Un-American Activities. His first wife, Betsy Blair, was suspected of being a Communist sympathiser. Under pressure from the American Legion, MGM, withdrew their offer to Blair of a part in Marty (1955). Kelly used his position on the board of directors of The Writer's Guild of America on a number of occasions to mediate disputes between unions and the Hollywood studios, and although he was frequently accused by the Right of championing the unions, he was valued by the studios as an effective mediator. His high profile status was not without a price though. Most controversially, and partly due to bad timing, Kelly was barred from probably the most popular and admired of all film musicals - Singin' in the Rain (1952). A part that was filled by Fred Astair who brought both dignity and pose to the key piece dance theme, yet may have lacked Kelly's easygoing swagger. In a very real sense, art mirrored reality with the contrasts of the two Americas of the 1950s – Kelly vs. Astair. The lyrics are available at at Stllyrics

~ quotation by Co-Historian Steve Payne from Counter-history – You're the Judge!

In 1944, the Jet Fighters of Oberst Werner Moelders' reinvigorated Luftwaffe delay Operation Overlord long enough for the Kriegsmarine to mine the English Channel. Yet, Moelders was forced to resign - refusing to deny his Catholic faith to Vati. Disgraced, Moelders wonders if his tactical brilliance has led to a strategic blunder - sustaining the Nazi regime that would otherwise have perished.

~ variant from Steve Payne: extensive use of original content has been made to celebrate the author's genius.

In 1930, the journalist Winston Churchill published If Moltke had not won the Battle of the Marne in Scribner's Magazine. This clever reverse alternative history starts with the memorable lines - "If [Chief of Staff Helmuth von] Moltke [the Younger] after his triumphal entry into Paris had merely been the soldier, his achievements would have ended on the battlefield. It was his September Declaration... that opened the low roads of despair along which we are now marching so precipitously.".

~ variant from Steve Payne: extensive use of original content has been made to celebrate the author's genius.

In 2009, the TV networks presented episode twenty six of So What If?. Woodrow Wilson rejects Ho Chi Minh's Peace Gambit in 1919. A sanguine Uncle Ho turns to Mahatma Gandhi's teachings as the French Union struggles to suppress non-violent confrontation throughout Indochina.

~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

Chocky	In 1968, the alien friend known as "Chocky" explained to Matthew Gore why his schoolwork and artistic talent had improved dramatically. Doctor Landis had described it as a "possession", but in fact Chocky's accomodation in Matthew Gore's mind was more symbiotic.
The alien force did not want to destroy the population of earth but instead help it and guide it to the stars. Chocky explained that it was primitive for current generation rocketry to break free of gravity using brute force. It made more sense to understand the force of XXX (a symbol he was unable to pict in Matthew's mind) and negate gravity rather than fight it with the wasteful power of carbon fuels. Chocky's race wanted to share this technology with humans. The trouble was powerful groups wished to tap into the amazing fund of knowledge to which Matthew Gore was now party, and what was the value of a little boy's life against such an incalculable prize? Sir William Thorbe at the Home Office was way ahead of these groups, and couldn't wait to get Matthew Gore into a secure unit under Salisbury Plain where the knowledge could be captured and put to the appropriate use.
~ variant entry by Steve Payne: extensive use of original content has been used to celebrate John Wyndham's genius.

Elimina Castle	In 1482, to pass the long night of six hundred years at St. George El Mina Castle, Kwame’s brother spoke to him of African Poetry. “We pity you, your country's burning sun is nothing but a shadow, on your serene 'civilized' brow and the thought of your grandmother's hut
Brings blushes to your face that is bleached By years of humiliation and bad conscience And while you trample on the bitter red soil of Africa Let these words of anguish keep time with your restless step. Oh I am lonely so lonely here.”
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

In 1952, on this day 33rd US President Harry S Truman received an unpleasant surprise on the stump. Actually, it was to result in his very salvation. Truman was asked to clarify three points by a particular incisive line of questioning at a Town Hall meeting in California.	Harry S Truman
a) On what basis would nuclear weapons be used in the future b) Did he not agree that by using nuclear weapons in Asia, he had demonstrated US reluctance to sustain combat casualties that Communist nations would consider acceptable c) In conclusion had he not condemned Asia to interminable lands wars in which American commitment was less than decisive. Privately, Truman regretted his decision to approve the use of nuclear weapons, on the basis of Pandora's Box logic. He had legitimised the use of the super weapon, and should General MacArthur be elected, and not him, then surely massive nuclear action could follow in Korea and Manchuria.
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

Rasputin	In 1917, the magician Grigory Rasputin met with the nest of vampires in Paris. You could say he was triple-dealing. Formally, he was the Tsar's representative for release negotiations for Tsarevich Alexei Nikolaevich who was being held hostage. Privately, he had collusively arranged the abduction because his agenda also required ..
.. the Peace Conference to announce a Free Vampire State of Transylvania, a condition for the Tsarevich's release. And finally, he had another motive. Empress Alexandra Fyodorovna was looking for an excuse to be turned, and in a moment of bed-chamber weakness, Rasputin had agreed to set-up a pretext for that exigency.
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

In 1945, on this day at 8.15 am B-29 Enola Gay, piloted and commanded by 509th Composite Group commander Colonel Paul Tibbets drops the nuclear bomb “Little Boy” on Hiroshima. Enola Gay turns around to head back to North Field, an airbase on Tinian in the West Pacific. The crew observe a huge mushroom cloud forming ..	Hiroshima
.. over the destroyed city. The cloud continues to expand. 250 km off the coast of Japan, the cloud is still expanding in their direction. They radio North Field for further instructions. Inside the deepest recesses of Colonel Paul Tibbets disciplined military mind, the most dreadful suspicion starts to take shape.
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

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Anarchy In The UK

August 8th, 2007

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The Announcement

Alternate Historian – Back Again!: Yet another plague has ripped its way through our Academy and gone back to its home dimension, and we are happy to see it go. Tomorrow, we will hopefully feel like picking back up and contributing to the web site. Especially since it's one week till our first birthday and you need to send in your alternate lives for me (August 14, 1965) and Steve (November 22, 1967). Get that research done quickly!

George Orwell	In 1917, Aldous Huxley arrived at Eton College to teach French. The previous year he had graduated from Balliol College, Oxford with First Class Honours at English literature. Eric Blair (later known by the pen name George Orwell) was among his pupils, remembering him as another incompetent and hopeless teacher who couldn’t keep discipline.
By coincidence, both teacher and pupil would following similiar career paths, known for both novels and a wide-ranging output of essays and published short stories. Huxley wrote Brave New World, whilst Orwell penned Nineteen Eighty Four, an anarchistic vision of the future partly based on the indiscipline of Eton. In the world of 1984, Government has ceased to exist to be replaced by a loose form of autonomous control from the "the Party". Unaware of this connection [to his own failed supervisory methods], this publication prompted Huxley to write to Orwell in 1949 to congratulate him on "fine and how profoundly important the book is". Returning to his own dystopian vision of "Brave New World", Huxley continued: "Within the next generation I believe that the world's leaders will discover that infant conditioning and narco-hypnosis are more efficient, as instruments of government, than clubs and prisons, and that the lust for power can be just as completely satisfied by suggesting people into loving their servitude as by flogging them and kicking them into obedience".
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

In 1975, at the two-story house at 17841 Beaverland, former President of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, Jimmy Hoffa received a presentation from the fourth dimensional aliens who Kurt Vonngeut had likened to Plumber's friends.
Jimmy Hoffa	Barred from Union activities since his release from prison in 1971, Hoffa had planned a big comeback. He wanted to extend the national freight agreement to cover all transport workers. The Tralfamadorians showed Hoffa the 1981 Air Traffic Controllers Strike, and how President Reagan fired the striking workers.
In this future, Hoffa was completely discredited by the new strong arm tactics of the Republicans. Worse, Americans seemed to want this action - it was the first time since Vietnam American's felt the White House had got the country moving ahead. Yet the Tralfamadorians moved forward a further twenty years, and Hoffa's son was now the President of the Teamsters, so clearly the father's removal was a setback with a long-term win. Hoffa could rest easy - he accepted his fate.
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

"I rented this little chalet in Switzerland, in the mountains just beyond Lake Geneva. I rented this gear from a little shop in a village, a little music shop, with a Revox tape recorder, an electric piano - I had my guitar there - and just sat there to try and write. For two weeks, I came up with nothing - and I only had four weeks to write this double album!

Jeff Lynne	I was sort of thinking, 'bloody 'ell, maybe I can't come up with anything'. The weather had been really bad and then one day I got up and it was fantastic, the sun was brilliant and shining, all the mountains were lit up and this mist had gone away. It was gorgeous, so I went out to ski, and well, that was that." ~ Jeff Lynne of the Electric Light Orchestra
Uninspired

Immediately after ELO's 'A New World Record Tour' ended in April 1977, Lynne left for Switzerland determined to compose enough new material for a double album. The singer-songwriter and producer had elevated ELO to global superstardom with the release of 'A New World Record' during 1976 and expectations of their record company, critics and ELO's millions of fans were higher than ever. In fact, it turned out that expectations for Out Of The Blue were far too high and the double album was never made.

~ quotation by Co-Historian Steve Payne from Counter-history – You're the Judge!

In 1945, mysterious mechanical failures on board the Enola Gay resulted in a late reassignment in both aircraft and the crew. The Lucky Strike is selected instead by USAF General Curtis "Bombs "Away" LeMay and C-in-C Douglas MacArthur.

~ variant from Steve Payne: extensive use of original content has been made to celebrate the author's genius.

Forest Whitaker	"[Idi Amin is] a splendid type and a good football player” ~British Foreign Office. ”You [director, Kevin Macdonald] don't think I've got the anger in me to do this part, do you?” ~ Forest Whitaker.
Playing Idi Amin

African American actor Forest Whitaker received critical acclaim for the lead role in The Last Governor-General of Uganda. To prepare for his role as the British stooge Idi Amin, Whitaker gained 50 pounds, learned to play the accordion, and immersed himself in research. He read books about Amin, watched news and documentary footage, and spent time in Uganda meeting with Amin's friends, relatives, generals, and victims; he also learned Swahili and mastered Amin's East African accent. Whitaker's performance earned him the 2007 Academy Award for Best Actor in a Leading Role, making him the fourth African-American actor in history to do so. For that same role, he also received the Golden Globe Award for Best Actor in a Motion Picture Drama, the Screen Actors Guild Award, a British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA) Award, and accolades from the New York Film Critics Circle, the Los Angeles Film Critics Association, the National Board of Review and the Broadcast Film Critics Association.

~ quotation by Co-Historian Steve Payne from Counter-history – You're the Judge!

In 2009, the TV networks presented the final episode (number twenty eight) of So What If?. John F Kennedy is assassinated in Dallas. Suspicion falls upon a member of the motorcade, Texas president Lyndon Baines Johnson.

~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

Elimina Castle	In 1482, to pass the long night of six hundred years at St. George El Mina Castle, Kwame’s brother spoke to him of African Poetry. ”The weaver bird built in our house, and laid its eggs on our only tree, we did not want to send it away, we watched the building of the nest
And supervised the egg-laying. And the weaver returned in the guise of the owner Preaching salvation to us that owned the house They say it came from the west Where the storms at sea had felled the gulls And the fishers dried their nets by lantern light Its sermon is the divination of ourselves And our new horizons limit as its nest. But we cannot join the prayers and answers of the communicants We look for new homes every day For new altars we strive to re-build The old shrines defiled from the weaver’s excrement.”
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

In 1945/3001, (Third Age) a wretched US President Harry S Truman pours himself a bourbon in the Oval Office. He is starting to realise, actually has realised, that the delayed Japanese surrender is in fact nothing other than the slow cogs of decision-making. Perhaps, probably, tomorrow's strike on Nagasaki is unnecessary.	Gandalf
Startled by the door opening unannounced, he looks up from the Resolute Desk to see an old man with a long white beard and huge floppy hat. "I am Gandalf the Grey", says the stranger, "and I have returned to Bag End to tell you to give up the Ring of Power". Truman reacts with panic and suspicion when Gandalf tries to persuade him to leave it. The last straw is when Truman refers to the Ring as his "precious" and Gandalf loses his temper, putting some sense into him. Truman then admits he would have liked to be rid of it, and leave it behind. Gandalf departs, the scene changes and the President presses his intercom, "get me the head of the U.S. Army Air Forces and tell him to cancel the strike!".
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

Lloyd George	In 1914, European diplomacy entered a critical phase as the August Days continued in the build up to War. In Caerdydd (Cardiff) First Minister David Lloyd George confirmed the nation's policy of neutrality. The Welsh Free State had no strategic interest in a European conflict said the Welsh Wizard.
He would be damned if he sent the flower of Tywysogaeth Cymru (Wales) to die in the mud of Flanders. This statement was to have two very unexpected outcomes on the threat and opportunity scale. Put simply, what goes up, must come down.
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

In 1917, in order to release the Tsarevich Alexei Nikolaevich, Tsarist Prime Minister Pyotr Stolypin and the Okhranka burst into the den that is housing the hostage, and his kidnappers. Thereupon the leader of the Paris nest, the Vampire Henri confronts Stolypin with an unexpected explanation for the kidnapping.	Stolypin
A condition for the Tsarevich's release requires the Peace Conference to announce a Free Vampire State of Transylvania. The leader said it was a reasonable request, after all, France would not have emerged victorious from the Great War without nosferatu attacks after sundown on the German trenches. After all, what else did the General's mean when they talked of “bleeding the Germans white?”. Hmm. Stolypin and the Okhranka do a rapid about turn, seeking further orders from the Tsar.
~ entry by Steve Payne from Counter History in Context - You're the Judge!

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Visions of the Future

	In 2007, the Bank of Scotland launched a new £20 note, featuring the Scottish economist Adam Smith. It was the first note in the new Series F banknotes, issued to mark five years of independence north of the border.

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	In 1976, the author Kurt Vonnegut died and always will die on this day. At the time of his death, he says, he is in Chicago to address a large crowd on the subject of flying saucers and the true nature of time. He has had to cross three international boundaries in order to reach Chicago. The United States of America has been Balkanized, has been divided into twenty petty nations so that it will never again be a threat to world peace. Chicago has been hydrogen-bombed by angry Chinamen. So it goes. Vonnegut was philosophical about his death, concentrating on the happy moments of his life, and ignoring the unhappy ones-to stare only at pretty things as eternity failed to go by.

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In 1919, British Indian Army soldiers under the command of Brigadier Winston Churchill opened fire on an unarmed gathering of men, women and children at the Amristar (or Jallianwala Bagh) Massacre. Years later, Punjabi separatist Udham Singh travelled to the UK and assassinated Churchill in a daring and audicious revenge attack.

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In 1940, Udham Singh prepared to assassinate the former Lieutenant Governor of the Punjab, a revenge attack for his authorisation of the events of April 13, 1919 in Jallianwala Bagh. Known as the Amritsar Massacre, imperial troops opened fire on an unarmed gathering of men, women and children in an act of unprovoked barbarism, killing 1800 people. Singh understood that security will be a major problem in entering Admiralty House to put his plan into action. Driven by the spirits of the murdered Punjabis, he is determined to succeed however, Winston Churchill dies tonight.

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In 1954, Viet Minh forces fall into a trap at the Battle of Dien Bien Phu: Viet Minh where they are convincingly beaten by Franco-US forces and Hmong mercenaries led by Christian de Castries. Ignoring Eisenhower's advice to avoid entanglement in Vietnam as a counsel of despair, President MacArthur said they had not conquered the Japanese only to be defeated by night-fighters in pyjamas.

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In 1846, 300 tenants were unjustly evicted at the village of Ballinglass in Ireland during the Irish Potato famine. The indefensible Ballinglass Incident was the beginning of the end for the British Rule in Ireland. That great reforming British Prime Minister William Gladstone brought the Irish Home Rule Bill before the House of Commons on 8 April 1886 and before the end of the decade, the island of Ireland was free.

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In 1925, in the State of Tennessee vs. John Thomas Scopes (the Scopes Trial) Judge John T. Raulston ruled in favour of the high school teacher. Henceforth 'Any statement that denies Charles Darwins' proven theory of evolution that man has descended from a lower order of animals rather than the story of the Divine Creation of man as taught in the Bible.' became a crime in Tennessee.

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In 1881, the People's Will revolutionary movement in Russia claims its greatest prize - the life of the Czar. Alexander II was killed by a bomb in St. Petersburg. Sergei Nechayev, leader of the People's Will, led a small force against the Czar's son, Alexander III, and killed him before he could assume the throne. Peasants across the huge country answered the call of the People's Will to rise up against the old system and threw the country into anarchy. The Russian Civil War lasted until 1888, when the People's Will assumed power and Nechayev named himself Prime Minister. Most of the nobility in the country was killed during the struggle, including all the members of the royal family. Most of the other countries of Europe refused to acknowledge the Peasant Country, and the French government even went so far as to set up the Russian government-in-exile in the Russian embassy in Paris. This all changed when the Great War erupted between the Central Powers and the Western Powers of Europe; each side was quite happy to woo Prime Minister Ulyonov for the might of Russia's peasant army. Ulyonov threw Russia's strength behind the West, locking the Central Powers in a vise between east and west. Russia's entry into the war in 1916 all but ended the conflict - Austria-Hungary surrendered immediately, and the Ottoman Empire and Germany followed in the next three months. Prime Minister Ulyonov exacted a high price for Russia's involvement - the monarchies of all three of the Central Powers were deposed, and democracies set up in those countries. The Peasant Country continued exporting 'people's democracies' throughout the 20th century, causing trouble with its erstwhile western allies for decades after the war.

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In 2005, George Michael appeared on the premier British Chat Show hosted by Michael Parkinson. Afterwards, he delivered an inspired performance of his new song, with the haunting lyrics If Jesus Christ is alive and well, how come Peace, Love and Smokey are dead?. It was a tragic tribute to Smokey Robinson, who like Michael, had turned to drugs when long shadows had entered his life.

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In 969, Sultan Askia Ishaq II of the Songhai Empire defeated the bandit general Ahmed al-Mansur in Tondibi. The bandit al-Mansur had been plaguing northwestern Africa for years, and the Sultan was finally able to muster the force necessary to drive him back to his stronghold in Morocco.

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In 1881, revolutionaries unconnected to the Secret War killed Alexander II of Russia, the most powerful member of the Conqueror's faction of the Speaker's Line. His son, Alexander III, who had not been initiated into his role as a descendant of Telka the Speaker, was unable to fund the programs his father had started because he didn't know about them. Much of Russian research was lost in this period.

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Northwoods	In 1962, Lyman Lemnitzer, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in the USA, proposes a document, called Operation Northwoods, regarding performing terrorist attacks in Guantanamo Bay, to Secretary of Defense Robert MacNamara. The proposal is accepted by President John F. Kennedy. Problems would arise in 1964 after Kennedy was dead. Even as US Marines stormed Havana the casus belli for the Cuban invasion was being challenged - by one of their own.
Memorandum

Compelling evidence was emerging that the wave of terrorism that struck America in late 1963 was the result of false-flag operations executed by the US Government itself. Sensationally, a former US marine Lee Harvey Oswald was claiming that he had assassinated John F Kennedy under hypnotic suggestion from the CIA. This lone gunman conspiracy theory shook the credibility of the Warren Commission's report, which placed the blame on a Cuban hit squad known as the three Hobos. The previously secret document for Operation Northwoods was finally made public on November 18, 1997, by the John F. Kennedy Assassination Records Review Board, a U.S. federal agency overseeing the release of government records related to John F. Kennedy's assassination. A total 1521 pages of once-secret military records covering 1962 to 1964 were concomitantly declassified by said Review Board. Operation Northwoods, or Northwoods, was a 1962 plan by the US Department of Defense to stage acts of simulated or real terrorism on US soil and against US interests and then put the blame of these acts on Cuba, so as to generate U.S. public support for military action against the Cuban government of Fidel Castro. As part of the U.S. government's Operation Mongoose anti-Castro initiative, the plan called for various false flag actions, including simulated or real state-sponsored acts of terrorism on U.S. and Cuban soil. The plan was proposed by senior U.S. Department of Defense leaders, including the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Lyman Louis Lemnitzer.

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	In 1925, in the the Scopes Trial, Confederate Judge John T. Raulston banned the use of Charles Darwin's satirical novel Planet of the Apes from Schools in the State of Tenneseee. The grotesque depiction of a technologically advanced ape society was perceived as a terrifying future vision in which history had taken a wrong turn with white supremacy set aside.

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