Monday, May 31, 2004

Espagne Brought Into The Brotherhood Of Islam

May 31, 2004

in 1224, Pope John succeeded his brother Richard as ruler of the Holy British Empire. A noble and enlightened ruler, John was beloved by the people, but despised by his cardinals and bishops. His 17-year reign was torn by many rebellions, all put down with the help of popular support. Under John's reign, slavery was abolished from Holy British shores; unfortunately, on his death, it swiftly returned.

in 739, Sheik Qudamah Ra'if, beloved of Allah, subdued the rebellious people of Espagne and brought them under the benevolent rule of Islam.

in the 23rd year of Cheokhan's reign, Europe was recognized by the Pharoah as a free and independent continent. The Pharoah was dead within the year.

in 1819, Walt Whitman, future Communist candidate for the presidency, was born.

in 4561, the Battle for Hanoi began, as troops loyal to Emperor Min-Yuan laid seige to the city. The 38-day battle was among the bloodiest in Imperial history, with over half a million casualties.

in 1871, the American Town Ball League, comprised of the Philadelphia Athletics, New York Metropolitans, Delaware Shipmen and Baltimore Colts, played its first exhibition game. Philly's A's beat the Metros by 5 runs to 2.

in 1884, Edgar A. Poe of Baltimore began a cult of personality around his experiences. He claimed to have been born in a world where he was a struggling author of strange and weird fiction. The cult, the Church of the Universal Masque, was involved in several murders and ritual sacrifices before finally disbanding in 1891 with Poe's death.

in 1937, Copland's Fanfare for the Common Man was made the official anthem of the Communist Party of America.

in 1977, the Confederated States of America were allowed membership in the UN, and sanctions were officially lifted.

in 2000, the forces of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named struck out from the smoldering ashes of earth to conquer the universe.

in 2003, President Gore of the US celebrated his 3rd Memorial Day in office with the dedication of a World War II memorial.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Marx Emigrates To America

May 30, 2004

in 1843, Karl Marx moved to America and began spreading his philosophy. He became such an influence that by 1855, the Republican Party had renamed itself the Communist Party, and won its first presidential election the next year.

in 4579, Chao Sing-Lee, the first Star Sailor, achieved orbit and maintained it for 4 revolutions of the earth. Emperor Chengzu appointed Chao his Minister of the Stars upon his retirement from the Star Sailor program.

in 1900, nothing happened. Fnord.

in 1922, Astrid Pflaume took a young Lance Corporal of the Austro-Hungarian empire hostage, for reasons known only to her and the people she eventually negotiated his release with. The hostage, Lance Corporal Adolf Hitler, achieved quite a bit of fame on returning back to Austria, and went into politics.

in 1930, a year before his death, Thomas Edison finally saw his dream fulfilled; the Desktop Eddie, (popularly known as the Dede), a difference engine that was the size of a desk and only weighed 400 pounds. The Dede became the first difference engine small and cheap enough for sale to the general public, and so the Dede opened the door to an information revolution in the 30's.

in 1969, the construction began on the Hollywood set they used to fake the moon landing.

in 1990, President Dukakis of the US informed dictator Saddam Hussein of Iraq that the US would no longer be supplying him with weapons if he maintained his aggressive posture towards nations other than Iran. Republicans charged Dukakis with faithlessness towards America's allies.

in 2000, the unspeakable followers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named took up their residence on the burnt-out cinders of the earth.

in the 43rd year of Mikhaol's reign, European forces laid siege to the capital city on the Central Continent. This would eventually drive Pharoah Mikhaol into exile on Harmakhis, and from this planet, he would plan his return to power.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Pope Richard I Dies; Mlosh Rename Australia Ml'Astra

May 29, 2004:

in 1224, Pope Richard I of the Holy British Empire, (popularly known as Bloody Rich), died of an infection suffered when an arrow struck him in the chest in an assassination attempt. In his last words before his death at the hand of Papal Guards, the assassin proclaimed himself a protester against the cruelties of the Church; this spawned the anti-Church movement known as "Protestantism".

in 1600, Francis Bacon's play Hamlet premiered at the Globe Theater in London. The Bard of the Thames had dropped his nom de plume of William Shakespeare the year before.

mg 9867, eyr ryya liet mnast kell morissia donto ki quierrecho. Iteyo manda ni calla por stirr'ya. Rak bin Rak masto ni kell simpa.

in 1776, the Mlosh colony in Australia renamed it Ml'Astra and declared their independence from both Great Britain and the main Mlosh population. The aboriginal population of Ml'Astra embraced the Mlosh as liberators in ways that most other human populations never did, partially due to the horrors the British had visited on them.

in 1887, the Eddie got its first competitor, in the form of the French Pascal Difference Engine. The PDE was a full ton lighter than the Eddie, a valuable selling point, as many buildings had to be reinforced before an Eddie could be placed in them. This hidden cost of owning an Eddie had made sales slower than they might have been, and spurred Edison to drive his engineers to work on miniaturizing the Eddie.

in 1947, the US government declared the war with Germany over, admitting defeat on that front, and concentrated its forces against the Japanese advance. Canadian forces surrendered to the Japanese army in Alaska, and the British government-in-exile began preparations for moving to America.

in 2000, the earth was scoured of all native life by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Friday, May 28, 2004

Pope Henry IX Crowned; North American Confederation Declares Independence

May 28, 2004

in 1704, Pope Henry IX succeeded his father, Stephen II, as pope of the Holy British Empire. Stephen II left behind a legacy of fanaticism unequaled in the history of either the church or the empire; thousands of so-called "Protestants" were put to the stake under his reign.

in the 18th year of Cheokhan's reign, the Army of the Upper Nile put down a rebellion in the Slav kingdoms of the north. A warrior claiming to be Wotan himself began stirring the Germanic peoples against the rule of the Pharoahs, a movement which would end with Europe finally gaining independence from Africa.

in 4558, Emperor Min-Yuan granted freedom to the vassals of the west. It was a controversial move that caused the Viet and Siamese people to attempt secession; in the war that followed, the Viet were almost wiped out, and the Siamese eventually switched sides back to the Empire.

in 1899, Thomas Edison announced the new Eddie for a new century, the Mandarin. The 20th century line of Eddies was named after orange varieties, and proved to be very popular; the cost was down to that of a new car, and they were the size of a large car. Edison vowed that with the Orange line of Eddies, by the end of the next century, an Eddie would be the size of a desk. Skeptics abounded.

in 1947, the German Reich declared victory in Europe.

in 1963, Comrade Elvis Presley, People's Attorney for the Soviet of Tennessee, declared that counter-revolutionary Lee Harvey Oswald had not acted alone in the assasination of Comrade President Rosenberg the year before. His far-reaching investigation was quashed by the Federal Soviet.

in 1977, the Confederated States of America, after a century of pressure from other nations, officially ended slavery.

in 2000, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ascended from the depths and began His Unholy reign.

May 27, 2004

in 1800, the Mlosh finalized the independence of the North American Confederation from Great Britain, France, Spain and the Iroquois Confederation. The 3 European nations went into rapid decline following the loss of their North American colonies, but the Iroquois began a healthy alliance that lasts to the present day.

in 1872, on the 50th anniversary of Charles Babbage's difference engine, Thomas Edison unveiled his electric-powered version of the machine. The Edison EDE's, (Eddies, as they were known popularly), initially sold only to the US, British and French governments, became so useful that within a decade, most governments and large businesses were using them.

in 4600, the Emperor Chengzu's Star Fleet landed Ouyang Ziyuan on the moon. The Star Sailor's first words from the satellite were, "This is one small step for a humble servant, but a great leap for our Glorious Emperor." A dozen landings and a small colony followed, but with Chengzu's death in 4623, the Star Fleet became less of a priority for the Emperors of China.

in 1919, the Greater Zionist Resistance rose up in the European area known as The Pale, beginning the movement that would bring chaos to eastern Europe for the next 30 years. Begun by Astrid Pflaume, a fascist German time-traveler, a member of a neo-Nazi group seeking to foment an actual Jewish conspiracy, she succeeded in ways they had not anticipated.

in 1956, Joel Rosenberg secured the nomination of the Communist Party to represent them in the general election. He would face Socialist President Adlai Stevenson in the general election and defeat him soundly, ensuring Communist control of the Soviet States of America for the next 16 years. His own Presidency was sadly cut short in Dallas in 1962, when he was assasinated by a fascist counter-revolutionary, Lee Harvey Oswald.

in 1981, Fuhrer Adolf Hitler of the German Reich died in his sleep after almost 50 years in power. Europe was plunged almost immediately into civil war as dozens of subjugated peoples attempted to throw off their yokes after decades of fascist oppression.

in 12-19-6-1-0, King Chihuehue of the Inca declared himself the heir by marriage to the Mayan throne, after the death of his father-in-law, Emperor Mectezume. He was uncontested, and is expected to rule until the end of the age in 12 years, when Quetzelcoatl shall return.

in 2002, the immortal Comte de St Germaine finally achieved his goal of uncovering the Holy Grail. With its power, he began his campaign to have himself declared King of the Holy British Empire.

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