Christmas Day Contest Winners!

Alternate Historian's Note: All of today's post has been written by winners of our Alternate Christmas Day Contest. Congratulations to our winners - Dante Ojeda, Nathaniel Engelsen, Heather Pilcher and XJ. With all the free time they have provided, we at the Alternate History Academy had time to find an alternate universe where the Historian became an acapella lounge singer, and decided to share this little Christmas ditty with you. Enjoy it, and enjoy today's alternate post. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!

December 25th, 2005

in 2637 - A splinter group of Imperial scholars studying the heavens from a foreign point of view discover, much to their surprise, that the alignments of certain starts and planets at that time signaled the return of a great leader....a king among kings. Obviously this pointed to the Emperor's newest baby, a daughter named Lei-tzu, who would in fact rise in power to virtually rule China through her nearly retarded husband.

in 323, Saint Nicholas of Myra is executed by the pagan Emperor Licinius, and becomes the last martyr to suffer death before the victory of Constantine the Great established Christianity throughout the Roman world. The Ultimate Martyr gained enormous prestige and grew to be ranked as the greatest saint of the Church, displacing even Saint Peter. Today Saint Nicholas is revered as the stern but fair gatekeeper of Heaven, and every child learns that Saint Nick "knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake!"

in 800, Charlemagne, duke of the Franks, is offered the crown of the "Western Empire" by the Patriarch of Rome and refuses, uttering the famous words "There is only one emperor, and his throne is in Constantinople". This will come to be seen as the turning point of the Western Interregnum, paving the way for the reunification of the whole Empire in 1054.

in 1033 - Yeshua returned once again exactly like he said he would. Finding a world filled with barbarism, paganism, or just plain disbelief, Yeshua consulted his father briefly before deciding, "ah, hell with it," and left the humans to their own devices instead of starting the Rapture. The loyal few he did take with him were basic unknowns, having devoted themselves to the study and practice of a religion that the mainstream sects of Christianity considered heretical. These heretics believed in women ordination, among other astounding beliefs, and took the remaining Christian relics with them when they went to walk with God.

in 1642, famous music composer Isaac Newton was born in Lincolnshire, England. His parents took him to Oxford in order to study mathematics, but he showed no interest in numbers and abandoned this college one year later. His natural ability for music composition was known throughout the British Empire as well as his several symphonies like his Opus in G minus for violins also known as Gravitas.

in 1653, Richard Cromwell, son of the newly appointed Lord Protector of England, holds a wild party and is arrested under the 1647 legislation banning the celebration of "Christ-tide". He commits suicide in jail. His father Oliver is heart-broken and dies of natural causes on September 3rd the next year. As new Lord Protector, Parliament chooses General John Lambert, whose thirty-year service as First Citizen of the Commonwealth fixes England on the staunchly republican path it has followed to this day.

in 1920, Anastasia Romanov marries Adam Hitler Catt in America. The small, quiet ceremony was beautiful with a background set with decorated Christmas trees outside the Catt’s family home in Iowa. Anastasia, the daughter of the former Czar Nicholas II, escaped Russia with her family in 1919, at the beginning of the Bolshevik revolution. The family was given refuge, by Nicholas’ 1st cousin, King George V.

in 1926, Japanese emperor Hirohito begins his kingdom after his father Yoshihito passes away. His schemes with the Third Reich during WWII were the catapult to put Japan as center of a new World Order after ruined Hitler´s agenda.

in 1958, Famous civil rights leader/humanitarian Adam Hitler Catt is assassinated. The Ku-Klux-Klan is claiming responsibility for the murder. Mr. Catt was most famous for his work with civil rights issues in the South, which eventually led to desegregation laws being passed in the 1940’s. His mother, Carrie Lane Chapman Catt, helped found the League of Women voter’s in 1919. In 1893, 4 year old Adolph tragically lost both his parents in a fire that destroyed his family’s home. He was adopted by the Catt family after a trip to Germany in 1894. The Catts visited an orphanage where young Adolph clung to Mrs. Catt for security. The two were inseparable ever since. The Catts changed Adam’s first name from Adolph to Adam but kept his last name as his middle name. Adam Hitler Catt will be remembered in history as one of the greatest humanitarian leaders of the Twentieth Century.

in 1969, The "Christmas Offensive" was begun in the People's Republic of Venezuela. One of the greatest triumphs of the S.S.A. was repulsing the capitalist armies of the United States of Russia. While the war would last for a few more years it is widely believed that this initial push northward by the South Venezuela's People's Army of Venezuela turned the tide.

We still have our standard offer - everybody who donates $10 or more through our Paypal link will become alternate history entries on the site. When you donate, I will email you asking your preference for a day & timeline; if you don't reply to me, I'll place you in a day that seems to fit your name :) Thanks for your continued support!

The Forum lives again! My esteemed Co-Historian has brought the forum back to life, and in spite of the issues we've had with the forum in the past, we think that this time, it'll stay up!
Fresh New Poll - Shall we use future dates in our entries?

Warp and Protocols still available; also, see the script I submitted for Bravo's Situation: Comedy. Speaking of which, the winning writers have been announced; not the ones I voted for, but you can see the one I did at http://www.marktreitel.com

Help the Alternate Historian get a better day job!
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Monstrous

In 388, a ten year old boy named Cyrill died in the Roman City of Alexandria. His Uncle Theophilus discovered strange alphabet formations in the dwelling. Soon he too would be victim, but of a more powerful force - Nestorianism which was spreading like wildfire out of Constantinople.

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Balrog	In 1892, the scholarly giant of modern England, John R. R. Tolkien, was born in Bloemfontein, South Africa. His escapist fantasy writing was greatly influenced by combat tension suffered as a Second Lieutenant in 1916. Whilst Tolkien was with the eleventh battalion of the Lancashire Fusiliers, this tension reached a new and frightening level of intensity for Tolkien as his imagination was over-stimulated by the horror of the Somme. At night, he saw that most frightening of creatures charging across no-mans land. A creature of the imagination which he would never speak directly. Only W.H. Auden would guess at the depiction of the 1916 apparition. Later in the year, Tolkien was invalided with trench fever. And it was as this time he was gripped by the epic struggle, as Gandalf battled a Balrog, an ancient demon creature, and fell into a deep chasm under the Mines of Moria, apparently to his death.
Tolkiens Phantasm

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In 1967, Jack Ruby's cancer went into remission, allowing him to be placed on trial for the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. From the stand, Ruby spun a story of conspiracy, deception and treason, and the judge was forced to place a gag order on news from the trial. When the courtroom blew up the next day, it was blamed on a “gas leak” under the courthouse.

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In 1521, German monk Martin Luther was excommunicated by Pope Henry VIII of the Holy British Empire. Brother Martin was disgusted with the corruption of the British Papacy, and nailed a series of theses on his local church door, enumerating and protesting the wickedness of the English Church. Pope Henry, who had never been one to tolerate protestants, excommunicated then executed Brother Martin.

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In 2006, International Visit Today In Alternate History Day receives the unwelcome attention of most security agencies in North America. In a deft manoerve, Reverend Rattie reports that “Apparently, when you post before turning off your feed, your post appears on the feed anyway. So much for our vaunted computer skills.” Within the CIA, older hands suspect that Rattie was attempting to understate the real number of online alt-lifers.

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In 1892, the scholarly giant of modern England, John R. R. Tolkien, was born in Bloemfontein, South Africa. At Oxford, Tolkien penned some of the greatest literary criticisms of the 20th century, delving into the mythic roots of Beowulf, the legends of King Arthur, the Germanic and Celtic influences in English literature, and dozens of other subjects. In recent years, his son Christopher published a few of the bed time stories Tolkien wrote for his children, of which the most famous are his Father Christmas stories. There has even been talk of making a movie of these stories, although no one really expects they would be very popular.

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In 4620, Egyptologist and adventurer Luo Gan discovers the ancient tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen, and its hideous curse. Over the next five years, he and the twenty members of his team die gruesome deaths. Although most dismiss this as mere coincidence, the Imperial Ministry of Antiquities has forbade further digging into ancient Egypt’s past.

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In 12-17-10-5-15, Pachacamac, Incan musicians famed throughout the Empire, give their first performance before the emperor at Oueztec City. The music of the sweet mountains of their birth lofted throughout the court, bringing smiles and tears to the assembled courtiers. The emperor himself is so moved by their performance that he ennobles them all.

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In 1977, the number one computer company in the world, Apple Computers, was incorporated by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak in California. From humble beginnings as a machine for hobbyists, Apple computers soon made their way onto desktops in businesses and homes around the world with the introduction of the Macintosh line of computers. They might have stumbled in the 80’s when IBM’s operating system supplier, Microsoft, made a graphical interface to match the Macintosh, but a successful lawsuit against the company crushed that dream.

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Silmarillion	In 1914, John Ronald Reuel Tolkien began working on the Middle-earth stories. A good deal was written while Tolkien, then a British officer returned from France during World War I, was laid up in a military hospital and at home with trench fever. Truth be told, Tolkien's imagination was over-stimulated by the horror of the Somme. In escapist fantasy writing, Tolkien's inner hero struggled to restore his own dissipated life force.

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In 1947, the pederast Thomas Edward Lawrence was exposed in the Times newspaper following evidence of an inappropriate relationship with a fourteen year-old Arab boy, Selim Ahmed in 1914.

A clue was carefully hidden in Chapter 2, of Seven Pillars of Wisdom which describes homoerotic behaviour "quivering together in the yielding sand, with intimate hot limbs in supreme embrace." The book itself is dedicated to "S.A." with a poem that begins: "I loved you, so I drew these tides of men into my hands and wrote my will across the sky in stars To gain you Freedom, the seven-pillared worthy house, that your eyes might be shining for me When I came.", which had previously been considered a reference to Saudi Arabia, the chosen name of Abdul-Aziz bin Saud's Republic that was eventually founded in 1932.

Shortly afterwards, Lawrence was stripped of meritous awards that he had received after the war - Companion in the Order of the Bath, Distinguished Service Order, French Légion d'Honneur and Knight Commander of the British Empire which he received in October 1918.

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Storms

	In 1433 AH, in accordance with the Islamic calendar European Muslims celebrated the Festival of Dhu al-Hijjah commencing an eight-day rededication of the Second Temple in Yerushaláyim at the time of the Maccabean Revolt. The earliest known celebration of Dhu al-Hijjah in Europe was the arrival of the rusul known as Isa ibn Maryam in Rome in the pre-Islamic era.

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Jesus	In 1843, the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come takes the form of a grim spectre, completely robed in black, who does not speak and whose body is entirely hidden except for one pointing hand. This spirit frightens Ebeneezer Scrooge more than the others, and harrows him with visions of the Cratchit family bereft of Tiny Tim, of Scrooge's own lonely death and final torment, and the cold, avaricious reactions of the people around him after his passing (they joke about his death and funeral). Without its explicitly being said, Scrooge learns that he can avoid the future he has been shown, and alter the fate of Tiny Tim—but only if he changes.
Is Love

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In 1979, Donny Osmond spoke of his appearance on the Tonight Show with his two deaf brothers George Virl Osmond, Jr. and Thomas Rulon Osmond. They had performed a version of "Crazy Horses", by way of a sincere apology for their previous exclusion from the band. Musically, it wasn't great - but no matter. Sweet Jesus would help him to set things right with his brothers, or he would die trying.

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Steve Biko	In 2006, Steve Bantu Biko enjoyed the first day of the sixth decade of his life by listening to his friend Peter Gabriel's tribute song ~ September '77 Port Elizabeth weather fine, it was business as usual in police room 619 Oh Biko, Biko, because Biko, Oh Biko, Biko, because Biko Yihla Moja, Yihla Moja -The man is alive.
Activist

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In 1977, young people from the Norwich Choir attended a Christmas reception at Number 10 Downing Street, hosted by Interim Prime Minister Lord Louis Mountbatten and his deputy Major General Ord Wingate, DSO. Also present was the Home Secretary Margaret Thatcher and the Minister for Citizenship Mary Whitehouse The executors of the the Plot Against British Prime Minister Harold Wilson wanted to showcase British young. Not present were Hugh Cornwall, vocalist of the Stranglers, Johnny Rotten or Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols, who were “not the right sort”.

Abandoned Georgetown

In 2003, on this day from Crawford TX, US President George W. Bush announced the abandonment of the national capital as raga storms continuned to pound the Eastern seaboard. By now earth had begun to swung into Line, a ray of metafrequency energy jetstreaming from the massive black hole at the galactic hub. The transmuting effects of this atypical energy altered the planet for over a century until the Earth swung fully into line in 2113.

A self-sufficient scientific community on the southern Peruvian coast - Center of International Research for the Continuance of Life on Earth, 2009-2113) - succeeded in compensating for the massive morphological changes that had occured. An ingenious discovery at CIRCLE succeeded in sustaining life - Rubeus, an artifical super-intelligence originally created to manage global weather systems. New Washington was repopulated fully by 2165.

Thatcher

In 1984, British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher refused to sign the Sino-British Joint Declaration. An agreement would have mandated that the People's Republic of China resume the exercise of sovereignty over Hong Kong and the United Kingdom would restore Hong Kong to China with effect from July 1, 1997. Deng Xiaoping refused to accept a British compromise of receiving the New Territories now, and the rest of Kowloon by 2027. Thatcher set about introducing democratic reforms, to make Hong Kong not only ungovernable, but also a source of tension for China.

Persuant to Godspoken testimony of Ms Gloria Jones of Longview, Texas -
given just consideration of account of their recent meeting in West London, England -
in full compliance with scripture, Exodus 22:18 ("Suffer not a witch to live") refers-
magistrates of Richmond sentence Marc Feld of the East London suburb of Hackney to death by drowning on this day of our Lord, 1973.
Not the potter, but the potter's clay, amen.

In 1967, Prime Minister of Australia Harold Holt was officially presumed dead. His term as Prime Minister was dramatically ended when he disappeared while swimming at Cheviot Beach near Portsea and was presumed drowned. Holt spent 32 years in Parliament, including many years as a senior Cabinet Minister, but he was Prime Minister for only 22 months. This necessarily limited his personal and political impact, especially when compared to his immediate predecessor Robert Menzies, who was PM for a total of 19 years. Today he is mainly remembered for the sensational circumstances of his death, for his controversial role in expanding Australia's involvement in the Vietnam War and for his famous (or infamous) "All the way with LBJ" quote.	Harold Holt
Whilst swimming, he was set upon and killed by the ghosts of Vietnamese President Ngo Dinh Diem and his younger brother, Ngo Dinh Nhu. Five years later, a similar fate would descend upon LBJ and speculation would be rife as to why his hand was holding a telephone in a rictus of horror.

Clinton	In 1998, the United States House of Representatives forwarded articles I and III of impeachment against President Bill Clinton to the Senate. Clinton had refused to acquiesce to the demands of the military-industrial complex, and the threat to discredit him was now very real.

In 2999, the mind cast for the next instalment of “Personality of the Triple Millennia” was re-run across the networks. The Christmas special for POT3M drew an even larger audience because of its oddness. Pontius Pilate was the candidate, the context was the trial of Jesus of Nazarus and the moment was the pardoning of Barabbas. The Synoptic Gospels and John then state that it had been a tradition of the Jews to release a prisoner at the time of the Passover. Pilate offers them the choice of an insurrectionist named Barabbas or Jesus, somewhat confusing because Barabbas had the full name Jesus Barabbas, and Barabbas (bar-Abbas) means Son of the Father, so the crowd had been given the choice of Jesus Son of the Father or Jesus. The crowd states that they wish to save Barabbas (i.e., Jesus Son of the Father).	Pilate
According to the Synoptics, Pilate is aware that the priests had handed Jesus over because they considered him a threat, but Pilate himself does not feel that Jesus is any threat to the Roman Empire and, upholding a Roman tradition of sparing the subjugated, asserts that Jesus is innocent of the charges. Pilate is forced to condemn Jesus to crucifixion, due to the pressure of the crowd, who according to the Synoptics had been coached to shout against Jesus by the Pharisees and Sadducees. The Gospel of Matthew adds that before condemning Jesus to death, Pilate washes his hands with water in front of the crowd, saying, "I am innocent of this man's blood; you will see". MC Millennia asked Pilate for his view and he said that as a Roman, he accepted democracy, which as could be clearly demonstrated in the case of Jesus of Nazareth, was often no better than mob rule.

in 1958, the first radio message was sent from outer space. President Eisenhower’s Christmas message, “To all mankind, America’s wish for peace on earth and good will to men everywhere.” Unfortunately, the aliens who received the signal in 1972 wished the human race nothing quite resembling peace or good will.

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In 1918, the New York Globe began publishing a trivia series by Robert Ripley entitled Believe It Or Not. Apparently, no one believed it, as the series was cancelled a month after it began.