Alternate Historian's Note: All of today's post has been written by winners of our Alternate Christmas Day Contest. Congratulations to our winners - Dante Ojeda, Nathaniel Engelsen, Heather Pilcher and XJ. With all the free time they have provided, we at the Alternate History Academy had time to find an alternate universe where the Historian became an acapella lounge singer, and decided to share this little Christmas ditty with you. Enjoy it, and enjoy today's alternate post. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone!
December 25th, 2005
in 2637 - A splinter group of Imperial scholars studying the heavens from a foreign point of view discover, much to their surprise, that the alignments of certain starts and planets at that time signaled the return of a great leader....a king among kings. Obviously this pointed to the Emperor's newest baby, a daughter named Lei-tzu, who would in fact rise in power to virtually rule China through her nearly retarded husband.
in 323, Saint Nicholas of Myra is executed by the pagan Emperor Licinius, and becomes the last martyr to suffer death before the victory of Constantine the Great established Christianity throughout the Roman world. The Ultimate Martyr gained enormous prestige and grew to be ranked as the greatest saint of the Church, displacing even Saint Peter. Today Saint Nicholas is revered as the stern but fair gatekeeper of Heaven, and every child learns that Saint Nick "knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake!"
in 800, Charlemagne, duke of the Franks, is offered the crown of the "Western Empire" by the Patriarch of Rome and refuses, uttering the famous words "There is only one emperor, and his throne is in Constantinople". This will come to be seen as the turning point of the Western Interregnum, paving the way for the reunification of the whole Empire in 1054.
in 1033 - Yeshua returned once again exactly like he said he would. Finding a world filled with barbarism, paganism, or just plain disbelief, Yeshua consulted his father briefly before deciding, "ah, hell with it," and left the humans to their own devices instead of starting the Rapture. The loyal few he did take with him were basic unknowns, having devoted themselves to the study and practice of a religion that the mainstream sects of Christianity considered heretical. These heretics believed in women ordination, among other astounding beliefs, and took the remaining Christian relics with them when they went to walk with God.
in 1642, famous music composer Isaac Newton was born in Lincolnshire, England. His parents took him to Oxford in order to study mathematics, but he showed no interest in numbers and abandoned this college one year later. His natural ability for music composition was known throughout the British Empire as well as his several symphonies like his Opus in G minus for violins also known as Gravitas.
in 1653, Richard Cromwell, son of the newly appointed Lord Protector of England, holds a wild party and is arrested under the 1647 legislation banning the celebration of "Christ-tide". He commits suicide in jail. His father Oliver is heart-broken and dies of natural causes on September 3rd the next year. As new Lord Protector, Parliament chooses General John Lambert, whose thirty-year service as First Citizen of the Commonwealth fixes England on the staunchly republican path it has followed to this day.
in 1920, Anastasia Romanov marries Adam Hitler Catt in America. The small, quiet ceremony was beautiful with a background set with decorated Christmas trees outside the Catt’s family home in Iowa. Anastasia, the daughter of the former Czar Nicholas II, escaped Russia with her family in 1919, at the beginning of the Bolshevik revolution. The family was given refuge, by Nicholas’ 1st cousin, King George V.
in 1926, Japanese emperor Hirohito begins his kingdom after his father Yoshihito passes away. His schemes with the Third Reich during WWII were the catapult to put Japan as center of a new World Order after ruined Hitler´s agenda.
in 1958, Famous civil rights leader/humanitarian Adam Hitler Catt is assassinated. The Ku-Klux-Klan is claiming responsibility for the murder. Mr. Catt was most famous for his work with civil rights issues in the South, which eventually led to desegregation laws being passed in the 1940’s. His mother, Carrie Lane Chapman Catt, helped found the League of Women voter’s in 1919. In 1893, 4 year old Adolph tragically lost both his parents in a fire that destroyed his family’s home. He was adopted by the Catt family after a trip to Germany in 1894. The Catts visited an orphanage where young Adolph clung to Mrs. Catt for security. The two were inseparable ever since. The Catts changed Adam’s first name from Adolph to Adam but kept his last name as his middle name. Adam Hitler Catt will be remembered in history as one of the greatest humanitarian leaders of the Twentieth Century.
in 1969, The "Christmas Offensive" was begun in the People's Republic of Venezuela. One of the greatest triumphs of the S.S.A. was repulsing the capitalist armies of the United States of Russia. While the war would last for a few more years it is widely believed that this initial push northward by the South Venezuela's People's Army of Venezuela turned the tide.
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