Thursday, April 20, 2006

Hitler/Schicklegruber's Birthday

ALTERNATE HISTORIAN'S NOTE: we have our second anniversary coming up on May 27th, and we would like to have another contest. For our second anniversary, send us up to three of your own alternate histories, and we will publish the best - no limit on how many will end up on the final page! We would like to see as many of you enter this as possible, so please - think 'em up, write 'em down, and send 'em on to us at rat4cat@gmail.com! Help us celebrate our 2nd year of existence in style! Oh, and if you're like Sean and we owe you an appearance in TIAH - email us!

April 20th, 2006

BRIEF NOTE BEFORE WE BEGIN - I am not a Nazi. I am not a fan of Hitler. However, Hitler remains probably the most popular subject in alternate history simply because he was recent and there was so much that could have happened differently, and so we treat his birthday as an important occasion. None of the links you will follow go to the unfortunately numerous sites that are fans of Hitler.

in 1889, Adolf Schicklegruber was born in Braunau, Austria. Schicklegruber was at the forefront of post-Great War comics who lampooned the democracies that emerged in Central Europe. Although racist by today’s standards, Schicklegruber was considered somewhat tame in his own time.

in 1889, Adolf Hitler was born in Braunau, Austria. Placed at the head of the German Underground by neo-Nazi time travelers from the future, he proved completely inept in strategy and was made a powerless figurehead in the 1930’s. He continued in this position until his death in the 1980’s, reveling in successes that he was never able to achieve through his own efforts.

in 1889, future Austrian Human Leaguer Adolf Schicklegruber was born in Braunau, Austria. When the anti-Mlosh organization was revived following the ecological disasters at the turn of the century, young Schicklegruber joined the organization and proved one of its most enthusiastic recruiters. He was killed when a bomb he was helping to plant near a Mlosh day-care center went off accidentally in 1918.

in 1889, artist Adolf Hitler was born in Braunau, Austria. Hitler started a style he called Aryan Classical, which presented an idealized view of the German peasantry and past in its work. His personal charisma, rather than mediocre talent, made the style dominant in German art in the 30’s and 40’s.

in 2642 AUC, the fanatical Germanic rabble-rouser Adolfus was born in the hinterlands of Germania. He spent most of his life dodging Roman justice as he attempted to resurrect a mythical German nation-state in the center of the Roman Republic. Although he had some followers and fellow-travelers, he was never anything more than a nuisance to the Republic.

in 1889, German fascist leader Adolf Hitler was born in Braunau, Austria. Although his Nazi party came close to seizing power in the 1932 elections, he was never able to push them to majority status, and with President Hindenburg’s surprise naming of Ernst Thaelmann as Chancellor, Hitler faded into obscurity.

in 1914, comrades in Ludlow, Colorado go perhaps a step too far when they kill the management and owners of the coal mines in the community. The local militia, mostly good communists, joined with the striking coal miners and slaughtered the mine’s elite because of their refusal to agree to the reasonable requests of the miners. It set an example for other owners across the United States, and the local DA, a communist himself, refused to prosecute anyone for the murders.

in 1940, Ralph Shephard, future leader of the right-wing Constitutionalist Party and President of the United States, was born in Oahu, Hawaii. Shephard made his political career by ridiculing American leaders to his left after the defeat of America in the Vietnam War. His rise to power through election as Speaker of the House, followed by the suspicious resignations of President Reagan and Vice-President Bush, gave him the trappings of electoral victory without ever having to have actually won a national election.

in 1957, Dr. Eliot Ross and adventurer Jake Robinson find Hitler’s hidden tomb in the Antarctic just as the dark forces he had invoked at his death reanimate his hideous corpse. In the ensuing struggle, McMurdo Station is destroyed and Ross and Robinson are chased halfway around the world before they manage to send the Fuhrer back to the underworld with a spell they discover in Rome.

in 1996, Bartholomew Thompson meets his ancestor, Mikhail von Heflin, when the two attend the second day of Aggiecon, a science fiction convention in Texas. The Baron is there investigating a kidnapping; Thompson has fallen in love with the kidnappee. The two join forces to rescue her, and Thompson is given a glimpse of his destiny.

in 2005, Chelsea Perkins and her mother are assaulted by four young skinheads who target them because Mrs. Perkins is Hispanic. Chelsea is able to dispatch them with a little magic she had carried with her, but is unable to completely conceal her spell from her mother, who becomes quite frightened for – and of - her.

Timelines in today's post: the Roman timeline, the Mlosh, the GZR, von Heflin, Communist America, the Ralph Shephard timeline and the Chelsea Perkins timeline

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