Sunday, September 18, 2005

Anne Hutchinson In Massachusetts; Donner Party Is Saved

September 18th, 2005

in 1634, heretic Anne Hutchinson arrives in the Massachusetts Bay Colony. Ignoring scriptural bans against women taking authority in the church, she organized meetings of other women and so-called “free-thinkers” who were willing to listen to her prattle on about how faith was all that was necessary for salvation, and church law was superfluous to one’s relationship to G_d. She was killed by an irate Puritan in 1637 at the height of her popularity.

in 1846, the Donner Party of settlers sends 2 men ahead of them to get supplies, since they realize they may run out before they are able to leave the Sierra Nevadas. The pair fortuitously run into a supply caravan, who are able to help out the travelers and keep them from starving.

in 1863, the British Terrorism Unit engages in its most controversial act; a band of Mlosh vigilantes had taken a building full of hostages in Edinburgh, and was going to kill one of them an hour unless the Human League surrendered to the authorities. The B.T.U. stormed the building, which resulted in the death of all the Mlosh vigilantes, as well as 17 of the 148 hostages.

in 1914, Astrid Pflaume, neo-Nazi conspirator from the future, takes advantage of the war to organize a unit of Jewish Germans and begin drilling them. She carefully brainwashes them into following her commands, pretending to be Jewish, promising them that their people can soon live in a Europe that will not persecute them at every turn.

in 1956, Omar Knedlik, franchise owner of a Dairy Queen in Kansas, throws some soda bottles into his freezer after his drink machine breaks. When some of them partially freeze, he discovers that he likes the flavor, but customers he tries to sell on the idea complain of a headache when they drink the concoctions too quickly. Knedlik keeps them as a special treat for himself, but gives up the idea of marketing them to the general public.

in 1961, League of Nations Secretary-General Dag Hammerskjyld was killed in a plane crash. Suspicion immediately fell on the Soviet States of America, since Hammerskjyld had opposed the Chilean War and had been favoring sending European troops to aid the South Chilean guerillos.

in 1970, Jimi Hendrix, guitar god, was found in a coma in his London apartment. Hendrix had apparently overdosed on sleeping pills, but not enough to kill himself. When he recovered 6 months later, he claimed to have visited another plane of existence. The music he produced after this could not have been more different from his previous, blues-inspired rock; his post-coma music was almost entirely instrumental, and had an ethereal quality that went above the heads of most of his rock fans. At concerts, Hendrix would speak of the peace of the other plane; a small cult developed around him because of this.

in 4697, the Y’T’T’li ships reach the orbit of Feng-huang, where Star Fleet vessels are waiting to ambush them. After a brief struggle, a majority of the Y’T’T’li ships advance on earth, and the defenses of Feng-huang are debris in space, being reassembled into Y’T’T’li ships. Captain Wu, coming up behind them, manages to obliterate them before they can be turned back on earth. Wu orders his ships to gather asteroids together to use as weaponry against their metal enemy.

in 2002, after spending a day at Andrews Air Force base, the two hairy visitors are given quarters and asked to stick to them. Somehow, in spite of video evidence showing them in the room all night, they are also spotted investigating Andrews’ various aircraft, as well as some very classified area of the base.

in 2004, the Elders on earth threaten a mass wave of killing if the crew of the ELS-1 uses their weapon again. Captain Marcus of the ELS-1 broadcasts back, “We’ve already seen you kill three other planets; I’m more than willing to sacrifice a few of our number if I can get rid of you. I’ll give you 24 hours to leave.”


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Still wishing...

As your humble alternate historian enters the downhill slope of the 40's, he still has his birthday wish - a contract with a publishing company like Workman Publishing to produce a page-a-day calendar of TIAH. If you are an editor for such a company, or can place us in touch with one, please fulfill this belated birthday wish!

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