Monday, September 19, 2005

Bowie Guts Banker; Simon Stabbed By 'Fan'

September 19th, 2005

in 1827, after gutting a banker in Alexandria, Louisiana, Jim Bowie is arrested and hung by a lynch mob. The eponymous knife he used, although actually designed by his brother, became infamous throughout the west, and was often used in similar brawls for similar purposes.

in 1881, President James Garfield died of blood poisoning after being shot almost 3 months before. Vice President Chester Arthur, who had almost been impeached under a cloud of suspicion that he was attempting to steal the presidency, called for a special election rather than succeed Garfield. In the election, Arthur was defeated by J. Warren Keifer, a Republican from Garfield’s home state of Ohio.

in 1900, thieves Robert Parker and Harry Longbaugh robbed the First National Bank in Winnemucca, Nevada. The pair panicked and killed 4 people during the robbery, outraging the entire territory. A lynch mob hunted them down and hung them outside Reno, Nevada.

in 1934, Bruno Hauptman was captured and charged with the murder of Charles Lindbergh’s infant son. Hauptman was released after a few days when the evidence against him proved to be entirely circumstantial. The kidnapping is unsolved to this day.

in 1955, just as she had saved him before, Evita Peron leads Argentina’s workers in a general strike against the military leaders who have attempted to depose her husband, President Juan Peron. Evita’s saint-like image among the working poor of Argentina has only been enhanced by her recovery from cancer, and the workers call for her to take control of the country, rather than her husband. She reluctantly agrees; most historians believe that her husband truly ran the country while she remained a beautiful figurehead.

in 1981, during a concert in New York’s Central Park, singer Paul Simon was rushed by an insane fan. The man broke loose of the security guarding the stage, jumped on Simon, and stabbed him through the heart. Simon died that night at New York’s Mercy Hospital.

in 1995, the Washington Post newspaper published The Unabomber’s Manifesto, a rambling, incoherent document produced by the terrorist known as the Unabomber. Authorities are stunned when several aides to Strom Thurmond step forward to say that the document was produced by the archconservative senator himself!

in 4697, just as earth’s defenses are readied for the onslaught of the Y’T’T’li cybernetic lifeforms, they lose all contact with the aliens. Captain Wu has also lost the ships he was tracking. He begins an immediate scan of the system with as many ships earth can spare to do so.

in 2002, the pair of visitors at Andrews Air Force base, this time with guards in their room, spend another night examining the ins and outs of the base’s more secure areas. The commander of the base visits them personally to ask that these late night excursions be stopped, but they tell him, “We go where we have to go. We cannot stop it; neither can you.”

in 2004, everyone in the state of Connecticut suddenly dies; the Elders inform the country that more will follow unless the ELS-1 surrenders to them. The ELS-1 responds by finding the main mass of Elders in America located in Kansas and reducing them to a grey goo; Captain Marcus then tells his crew to begin tracking Elder movement around the globe and putting those coordinates into the tracking computer.


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Dave said...

Man, what do you have against Connecticut? I mean, I could take it or leave it...

Also, Strom Thurmond as the Unabomber? Love it!

Robbie Taylor said...

They foisted the Bush family off on my home state, for one thing...

Actually, I just chose them randomly as a densely populated area that was easily wipe-out-able.

TIAH Editor says we'd like to move you off the blog, if you're browsing the archives - and most people are - more than half of them are already on the new site. We need to be sure the new web site accomodates your archive browsing needs because we don't want to lose any readers. Please supply any feedback or comments by email to the Editor and please note the blogger site is shutting on December 1st.