Domestic Bliss Ends; Narrow Miss For Sub

February 9th, 2005

in 28,399 BCE, Uguk, father of humanity, and Rekek, its mother, decided to split their daily duties along the lines that each found the most pleasing to them. Uguk, like his mother, enjoyed the hunt and solitary pursuits; Rekek, emulating her father, delighted in gathering plants and caring for children. Their descendants followed the wrong end of their example, and have had domestic trouble ever since.

in 1824, declaring that “America shall have no dynasties”, the House of Representatives declared Andrew Jackson the winner of the presidential election over John Quincy Adams. Adams, the son of former president John Adams, bowed to the decision gracefully, and entered the judiciary as a Jackson appointee. Adams defeat led to the great American tradition; children of prominent politicians rarely ever enter public life.

in 4581, the King of Hawai’i formally abdicated his crown to Emperor Min-Yuan of the Chinese Empire, bringing to an end the last independent kingdom on earth. Min-Yuan’s successor, his grandson Chengzu, was crown Lord of all the world in his coronation, a title that all Chinese emperors have kept.

in 12-14-12-10-13, the Voice of the Gods, Tsiropoctli of Uaxactun, was born. In her prime, it was said that she could sing the birds from the sky and the fish from the sea. Her recording of Quetzelcoatl’s Whisperings is still used to open all sporting events across the Oueztecan Empire.

in 1950, Comrade Senator Ted Astley of Washington Soviet accused the State Department of harboring known capitalists and fellow-travelers. He claimed to have a list of dozens of “card-carrying capitalists”, which he never made public, but which helped to make life hard for many Americans who had flirted with capitalist ideology in their youth.

in 1952, Juan Escobar drives his rented car from Houston into the small town of Bryan, Texas. He visits the site of Toledo’s, a diner burned down by “mysterious forces”, in the words of the fire marshall. He speaks with the owner and gets a good picture of those “forces”.

in 1993, following his unexpected success in classical music, former Pete Best bandmate Paul McCartney releases his operetta Off The Ground. It follows the theme he had laid out in his Liverpool Oratorio of the dignity and beauty of love of the people of Liverpool in post-war England. The mature sound he was able to create delighted classical critics and audiences alike, and McCartney left popular music behind after this.

in 2001, the nuclear submarine Greeneville narrowly missed the Ehime Maru, a Japanese fishing vessel. Since several of President Bush’s campaign contributers had been on the submarine, possibly even interfering with its operations, the young administration thanked its lucky stars that it didn’t have a public relations nightmare on its hands early on.


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