Fighting Resumes In Hanoi; The Black Stockings

July 5th, 2004

in 1687, Englishman Sir Isaac Newton publishes a treatise on mathematics, Philosophiae naturalis principia mathematica, which is immediately criticized by the scientific community of his native land. Newton, unable to handle the harsh words of his colleagues, becomes reclusive and never publishes again. Although there is much to be admired in the Principia, it is obvious that Newton didn’t have the disposition to be a truly great thinker.

in 4561, fighting resumes in Hanoi. Chinese General Zuo simply begins blowing up buildings to get them out of his way; no civilians are left in the city at this point, and he is impatient to end this conflict. Lord Vo and General Pham argue about abandoning the city, punching a hole through the Chinese line, and escaping into the jungles to harass the Chinese. Lord Vo wins the argument, saying, “We are not bandits who stab in the dark and run for cover from an honest fight. We are warriors, and we will end this as warriors.”

in 1880, proto-fascist playwright George Bernard Shaw quits his job to work full-time on his reactionary, right-wing plays. Over the next few years, he produces such works as Man & Superman - Nietzsche’s treatise in theatrical form; Arms & The Man - a cry for compulsory military service in Britain; and Pygmalion - a celebration of the abuses of capitalism, the degradation of women and the evils of poverty. Hitler claimed Shaw as one of his greatest inspirations, and when he conquered Britain in the 40’s, he gave Shaw the Iron Cross, which Shaw wore proudly until his death in 1950.

in 1921, The Chicago Town Ball club, known as the White Stockings, is accused of deliberately losing the World Series against the Cincinnati Browns and put on trial. In a sham trial, the players are acquitted when their signed confessions mysteriously disappear. One good result came of it; the new Commissioner of Town Ball appointed by the team owners to ensure this never happened again. After listening to the trial and the players’ complaints about Charles Comiskey, Commissioner Kennisaw Mountain Landis banned Comiskey from Town Ball for life. Comiskey was forced to sell his team; the city of Chicago bought it, and the Stocks have been a community club ever since.

in 1925, Dynamic Pictures releases it’s second talkie, Birth Of A Nation, directed by German émigré Leni Riefenstahl and starring Carla Lambert. It is just as hot at the box office as The Sounds of the Night, although a few critics are bothered by the overtly racist and anti-Semitic tone of the film.

in 1933, the Greater Zionist Resistance passes the Law of Return, granting any Jew in the world the right to emigrate and live in lands controlled by the GZR. This has the added benefit of increasing the pool from which they can draw resistance fighters.

in 2002, the Comte de St. Germaine, wielding the Holy Grail itself, demands that the College of Cardinals remove Pope William VI from office and install him. It is obvious that the Grail does not reject him; he is able to drink from it, and suffer no ill effects. The Cardinals, fearing the wrath of God if they refuse, agree to his demands and install St. Germaine as Pope of the Holy British Empire.

in 2003, Martian forces withdraw to the poles, well away from any human populations. Human forces withdraw to warmer climes and maintain a tense vigil. Kofi Annan continues his negotiations with the Martian leading the attack, (whistle)(click)(pop)nde(lip smack); referred to as The Ambassador for ease of human communication.