Girl, You Know It's Not True

November 15th, 2004

in 1597, actor William Shakespeare is cited by St. Helen’s Parish for failure to pay his taxes. Sir Francis Bacon had been using Shakespeare as a front for his theatrical work, but Shakespeare’s unreliability, evidenced by behavior such as this, forced Bacon to come out as the author of his work in 1599.

in 1751, Anglican minister/racist demagogue William Cowper was born in Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire. Cowper was haunted throughout his life by mental illness that he refused medical treatment for, believing Mlosh techniques to be sinful. He founded the anti-Mlosh communities in Olney and Chelsea Downs.

in 1859, a great literary work is left unfinished because of Charles Dickens’ untimely demise at the hands of his estranged wife. A Tale of Two Cities, due to come out in his circular All The Year Round on this day, was instead never published. Catherine Dickens, mother of their 9 children, had become enraged at him over the terms of divorce he had offered her, and stabbed him to death the month before. A tragic ending to one of literature’s giants.

in 1889, Brazilian emperor Pedro II survives a close call when members of his military attempt a coup. Although Pedro had guided Brazil to unprecedented prosperity and stability for a South American nation, his leading military staff felt that he was becoming too progressive. With the aid a hastily-raised peasant army, Pedro II fought off his staff and retained his throne, and took measures afterwards to ensure that no military leader would ever wield that kind of power again. His daughter, Empress Albertina, was beloved by the military for her wars of conquest against Argentina and Uruguay.

in 1891, Erwin Rommel was born in Heidenheim, Germany. Astrid Pflaume recruited Rommel for the Greater Zionist Resistance herself, in spite of his gentile background, because she felt that they needed his military prowess. It proved to be a wise choice; Rommel pulled victory from many hopeless situations in their early struggles, and lasted them in good stead until the neo-Nazis from the future brought in superior weaponry in the 40’s.

in 1919, Comrade Joseph Wapner, Chief Justice of the People’s Supreme Court, was born in the Louisiana Soviet. Comrade Wapner witnessed first hand the lives of sailors from capitalist nations when he worked the docks of Louisiana, and vowed that justice for the people of his own land would always be his first concern.

in 1990, Frank Farian, producer of the group Milli Vanilli, pulled off one of the best hoaxes in music. At a live press conference, when reporters asked the duo to sing, Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan apparently broke into one of their songs, matching the vocals on their album exactly. Unknown to the press, and only revealed after Pilatus’ death in 1998 from a drug overdose, the incident was carefully choreographed and rehearsed. The reporter who asked them to sing was an assistant producer in disguise, and their voices were piped in from a production van outside. Because of this hoax, Milli Vanilli was able to keep their act going for 8 more years and 3 more Grammys.

in 4695, representatives of the Chinese Emperor, the Chdo Democracy, and the Galactic Commerce Commission sign a treaty granting the Chinese Empire full membership within the G.C.C. The Chdo Democracy, after seeing the advances made in Chinese civilization since their initial contact, sponsored the Empire to the organization.