Whiskey In Bourbon; Landslide For Dukakis

November 8th, 2004

in 1656, British astronomer Sir Edmund Halley was born in London. He made many important discoveries during his life, including naming a comet, but his greatest achievement came late in life when he was able to verify the Mlosh’s claims to come from outer space, and to use their equipment to observe and visit space himself.

in 1789, Elijah Craig, a farmer in Bourbon County, Kentucky, tried to make an alcoholic drink by distilling fermented corn. Craig claimed to love the drink, but few others did, and moonshiners in the country stuck with more traditional grain from then on.

in 1864, incumbent president Abraham Lincoln’s political career became a casualty of the Civil War as he was defeated by General George McClellan of the Democratic Party. President McClellan finished the Civil War halfway through his term, but rebels in former Confederate territory continued to plague the Union for decades to come.

in 1895, Dr. Wilhelm Roentgen discovered a new form of light, which he dubbed X-Rays. Practical use of this discovery in medicine was considerable, but it became wildly popular in the 1960’s when J. Edgar Menkin devised a set of glasses that used the principles of X-Radiation to actually see through people’s clothing! Menkin became a millionaire overnight.

in 1904, Communist James B. Weaver of Iowa wins the presidential election against Socialist Theodore Roosevelt. Roosevelt and Weaver also battle it out in the election of 1908, with Weaver winning again. Roosevelt split with the Socialists after that and joined the Progressive, or “Bull Moose” Party, for whom he was the presidential candidate in 1912.

in 1923, Lance Corporal Adolf Hitler of the German Army organizes a band of former soldiers in Bavaria into a political party he calls the National Socialist German Worker’s Party. Corporal Hitler had gained quite a bit of notoriety for freeing himself from the Greater Zionist Resistance, and had a hand in his rise to success from time-traveling neo-Nazis from the future.

in 1988, Governor Michael Dukakis of Massachusetts defeats Vice-President George Bush to become America’s first Greek-American President. Dukakis owed his victory to a pair of fairly vicious attack ads he launched against Bush after Bush tried to make him look silly for riding in a tank; after all, that had been Dukakis’ job when he was in the army. The first ad showed Bush’s wife Barbara as the young woman George married, followed by a current picture of her, and asked if he planned on doing the same thing to the country. The second ad showed Bush in meetings with several dictators and asked if he was seeking their advice on running a country. Although it wasn’t a high point in American politics, it was effective – Dukakis won with 57% of the vote, and an electoral landslide of epic proportions – all 50 states.

in 1994, the Republican Revolution began as the GOP assumed control over Congress and the Judiciary in Washington, D.C. The struggle began during Congressional elections, when results turned out very unclear, and the Republicans simply began assuming office as if they had won. This didn’t sit well with the Democrats, and open fighting broke out in the streets of the capitol.