Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts

May 16th, 2005

in Hellenic Year 2561, Trojan soldiers fire burning arrows into the large wooden horse that the Greeks have left outside their city walls, burning the Greek warriors hiding inside to death. The Trojans weren’t fooled by the desperate Hellenic ploy; after all, what kind of idiots would be taken in by such a ruse?

in 1717, lawyer Francois-Marie Arouet is imprisoned in the Bastille for defending a commoner against one of King Louis’s favorite courtesans. Arouet became a cause celebre among the French middle-class and lesser nobles, and pressure from them led to Arouet’s release the following year.

in 1868, the U.S. Senate convicted and removed President Andrew Johnson at the end of his impeachment trial. The conviction was passed by a single vote, reflecting the partisan nature of the entire proceedings. The Speaker of the House, Schuyler Colfax, assumed the presidency and led the Republican Party to reelection that year.

in 1905, newsman Henry Fonda was born in Omaha, Nebraska. Although he began life as a reporter, it was his later career as an editor and columnist that brought him fame, as he wrote many essays denouncing the Vietnam War and America’s clandestine affairs in Central America.

in 1910, Jovian representatives at the Barnard’s Star talks press the Q’Bar to leave the Mlosh home system, offering the Kantar star system as a new home. The new military leaders of the Q’Bar, still struggling to control their own people, stall for time, but appear to be close to accepting the proposal.

in 4671, Nipponese citizen Junko Tabei becomes the first woman to scale Chomo-Lungma, the tallest mountain in the world.Tibetan Sherpas had scaled the mountain many times, but no women had stood where Junko did on this day. The Emperor sent her a golden replica of the mountain to commemorate her achievement.

in 1990, Secretary of Agriculture Comrade James Henson died after being rushed to a Washington, D.C. area hospital with advanced symptoms of pneumonia. Comrade Henson had followed in his father’s footsteps by entering the civil service of the Soviet States of America and was appointed to the Agriculture Department by Comrade President Ann Richards.

in 2003, former child actor Adam Rich was sentenced to 20 years in prison for killing a police officer in a drug-induced car accident. Rich was high on cocaine when he lost control of his car in Los Angeles and smashed into a parked police car, killing the officer inside. Although the D.A. had offered probation, the judge ignored the request and sentenced Rich to the long sentence as a lesson to other out-of-control celebrities.


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