Archduke Ferdinand Escapes Assassination

June 28th, 2004

in 1491, future Pope Henry VIII of the Holy British Empire is born. Henry was the most tolerant Pope towards the Protestants in history; some wags even called him the “Protestant Pope”.

in 1862, in a serendipitous stroke of good luck, a police officer in the small town of Heathfield stopped to assist a young man whose vehicle had broken down. The young man looked familiar to the officer, Patrolman Danny Barnett, who scanned his image and checked with the main computers at Scotland Yard. When the man’s identity came back as Brent Carpenter, founder of the Human League, Patrolman Barnett immediately called for help and wrestled Carpenter to the ground. Once handcuffed to his own vehicle, Carpenter began freely confessing everything to Barnett, who let his handheld computer record all the horrific acts of violence against both human and Mlosh that the terrorist told him about.

in 4561, forces in Hanoi are facing starvation, along with the general populace. Chinese troops begin advancing into the outlying districts, and the Viet of the city are urged to fight with whatever weapons they have at hand. “Let us not face them as a goat waiting for slaughter,” Prince Nguyen Vo exhorted his citizens, “but as the tiger in the trap waiting for the man to come. Let us make the price of our lives so high that none will ever wish to fight the Viet again, for even victory is a defeat.”

in 1914, Archduke Ferdinand of Austria and his wife Sofia narrowly escape the bullets of a Serbian madman, Gavrilo Princip. Princip had evidently thought that killing the royal couple would somehow free his native Serbia; in the aftermath of the assassination attempt, Serbian nationalism was brutally repressed by the Austro-Hungarian Empire. This came close to igniting a war among the European powers, but the Empire eased its tactics once international pressure was applied to them.

in 1926, Melvin Kaminsky is born in Brooklyn, New York. Getting his start in show business as a writer on Ike Sidney’s Your Show Of Shows, Kaminsky wrote and directed such comedy film classics as Flamin’ Cowboys and The Directors.

in 1928, Eugene Debs is nominated for a 3rd term as U.S. president at the Communist Party National Convention, but loses in the general election against Socialist candidate Clarence Darrow. Debs, ever the activist, moves to Russia and begins organizing labor there in unions, called soviets. The soviet is such a hit that many American unions and organizations begin using the name to describe themselves; indeed, even some states rename themselves soviets to show their solidarity with the working man. This move might never have happened if Debs had won the 1928 election.

in 1991, Paul McCartney, former bass player for superstar Pete Best, discovers his true calling; his classical oratorio, Liverpool Oratorio, debuts in London to huge critical acclaim, if somewhat spare box office at first. The profits increase when, 2 weeks into its run, Pete Best himself attends, and embraces McCartney on stage at the end of the show. It was the first time the two had spoken since 1962, and the last; Best died 3 years later without seeing McCartney again.

in 2003, Jacob Sheridan replicates and is able to control nanobots created using the techniques copied from the captured Martian vessel. The handful of nanobots he has made are able to generate more power than a rocket engine. Sheridan had been awake for over 48 hours, and was manic when he burst into office of General Bertram Hughes, declaring, “We’ve got the buggers, now!”