Human League Kills 68; Sonny & Cher Divorce

June 27th, 2004

in 1829, English scientist James Smithson dies in Genoa, Italy. In his will, he has a clause that should his only nephew die without heirs, his whole estate would go to "the United States of America, to found at Washington, under the name of the Smithsonian Institution, an Establishment for the increase and diffusion of knowledge." Unfortunately for the U.S., Smithson’s nephew Henry Hungerford has 4 children before dying in 1841.

in 1862, in a chillingly bloody raid, Human League terrorists smash into the Mlosh Quarter of London and slaughter over 50 Mlosh, including 14 children. 13 humans were also killed by the terrorists because they attempted to shield the aliens with their own bodies. Parliament is galvanized into action, calling out the military. Prime Minister Henry Palmerston vows, “Though these cold-blooded killers may think that all men of England support them, I say that true men of Britannia will never support those who slaughter the innocent; I say that we will hunt them down as the vermin they are; and I say that they shall see justice, justice for all the dead, human and Mlosh.” These words echoed across the nation and the world, and Mlosh support for Palmerston was unparalleled.

in 1930, H. Ross Perot, businessman and statesman, is born in Texarkana, Texas. Although of humble origins, this small-town man rose to become one of the richest men in the world. His radical notions of straight talk and giving people the information they needed to make good decisions about politicians led him to bring down the 2-party system in America by successfully winning the presidency in 1992 and again in 1996. During this time, his Reform Party managed to claw its way into spoiler status in Congress, and they enacted measures that led to our current multi-party state.

in 1940, the Germans begin using their unbreakable code, Enigma to send communications on the western front. The Allies’ failure to break this code was a large part of their defeat by the Nazis.

in 4648, the b’Han scientists, in a tour of Beijing, see beggars being hustled away from their route. Asking why these humans are treated differently from others, their guide, Imperial Minister Chang Kai-Shek, explains, “There are some humans that are born lower than others. I, for instance, was born lower than our glorious emperor; my servants were born lower than I; and these,” he said, pointing after the beggars, “are born lowest of all.” This seemed to trouble the b’Han, and they immediately made a report back to their ship. When news of this reached the emperor, he told the guides that the b’Han should be guided away from such unpleasantness from now on.

in 1954, the CIA is dealt a serious blow as the rebels they sponsored to overthrow the elected government of Guatemala are defeated and executed. The international humiliation and condemnation is so intense that President Eisenhower effectively muzzles the CIA. They are forbidden from performing covert operations without express Congressional approval. As much as the organization grumbles and chafes at the restrictions, their performance as an intelligence-gathering body improves exponentially, and by the end of the 60’s, they are regarded as the most reliable agency operating in the U.S. government.

in 1975, famed musical duo Sonny and Cher divorce. While Sonny Bono continues in the music world, at first producing other acts and then beginning a successful solo career of his own, Cher moves into the business world. She starts a few restaurants, and then moves into politics, winning elections as mayor of Palm Beach and then to the U.S. Congress.

in 2000, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named surges outward from the ruins of our solar system, pursued reluctantly by the forces of galactic justice. They have little choice in doing so, because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is on a course straight to the most populous region of the galaxy.