The Equal Rights Amendment Is Passed

June 24th, 2004

in 1204 AUC, Valentinian III, emperor of the western Roman Empire, saw the appearance of a flame in the sky as an omen that God was displeased with his decision to allow Marcian to ascend to the throne in the east. He ordered his legions to take and kill Marcian, and after this was done, he declared an end to the bisected empire. No longer would Rome face the world with 2 heads; Valentinian would lead as sole emperor.

in 110, by the grace of Allah, the forces of the Umayyad defeated the Frank general Charles Martel at Poitier. The path was then cleared for all of the Frankish people to be brought the teachings of the Prophet.

in 613, Islam was dealt a serious blow when the Mali leader Sundjata Keita was defeated by Susu ruler Sumanguru Kante at the Battle of Kirina. Sumanguru disavowed Islam and ruled under traditional Mande law and religion. Many entreated Sumanguru to convert to the true faith, but he and his people resisted the will of Allah throughout his reign. His land became known among the infidels as sanctuary against the hard steel of the faithful.

in the 3rd year of Kamanestra’s reign, the Army of the Western Lands arrived in Eire and forced them back into the service of the Pharaohs. Pockets of resistance lasted for several years, but most of the population had never heeded the words of the chieftains, anyway, and barely obeyed the Egyptians.

in 1947, pilot Ken Arnold made contact with a group of flying saucers over Mt. Rainier in Washington. When [REST OF POST CENSORED]

in 1982, the Equal Rights Amendment is passed. In spite of what its opponents had believed, it does not lead to enforced homosexuality, abortion and divorce. In spite of what its proponents had believed, it does not lead to equality, fair wages and sensitivity among men. It is an amendment, not magic.

in 1984, the Silver Beatles, musical superstar Pete Best’s old band, release an album of covers, mostly of his old songs, but also a few recent pop singles. Their cover of “Don’t You Want Me, Baby” actually makes it to the top 50 charts in the UK, but interest fizzles out after a few weeks.

in the 45th year of Mikhaol’s reign, he led his reassembled fleet from Harmakhis back to earth to crush the rebellion that the Europeans had committed against him. In his absence, the Europeans had raised Anubis above all other gods, and committed atrocities in His dark name.

in 2003, Australian forces engage the Martians in Antarctica with disastrous results. However, one unit does manage to steal a Martian ship. Unable to fly it, they place it on a naval vessel that immediately heads for home. The Martians obviously think the ship was destroyed, because no one chases after them.