Thursday, June 24, 2004

The Equal Rights Amendment Is Passed

June 24th, 2004

in 1204 AUC, Valentinian III, emperor of the western Roman Empire, saw the appearance of a flame in the sky as an omen that God was displeased with his decision to allow Marcian to ascend to the throne in the east. He ordered his legions to take and kill Marcian, and after this was done, he declared an end to the bisected empire. No longer would Rome face the world with 2 heads; Valentinian would lead as sole emperor.

in 110, by the grace of Allah, the forces of the Umayyad defeated the Frank general Charles Martel at Poitier. The path was then cleared for all of the Frankish people to be brought the teachings of the Prophet.

in 613, Islam was dealt a serious blow when the Mali leader Sundjata Keita was defeated by Susu ruler Sumanguru Kante at the Battle of Kirina. Sumanguru disavowed Islam and ruled under traditional Mande law and religion. Many entreated Sumanguru to convert to the true faith, but he and his people resisted the will of Allah throughout his reign. His land became known among the infidels as sanctuary against the hard steel of the faithful.

in the 3rd year of Kamanestra’s reign, the Army of the Western Lands arrived in Eire and forced them back into the service of the Pharaohs. Pockets of resistance lasted for several years, but most of the population had never heeded the words of the chieftains, anyway, and barely obeyed the Egyptians.

in 1947, pilot Ken Arnold made contact with a group of flying saucers over Mt. Rainier in Washington. When [REST OF POST CENSORED]

in 1982, the Equal Rights Amendment is passed. In spite of what its opponents had believed, it does not lead to enforced homosexuality, abortion and divorce. In spite of what its proponents had believed, it does not lead to equality, fair wages and sensitivity among men. It is an amendment, not magic.

in 1984, the Silver Beatles, musical superstar Pete Best’s old band, release an album of covers, mostly of his old songs, but also a few recent pop singles. Their cover of “Don’t You Want Me, Baby” actually makes it to the top 50 charts in the UK, but interest fizzles out after a few weeks.

in the 45th year of Mikhaol’s reign, he led his reassembled fleet from Harmakhis back to earth to crush the rebellion that the Europeans had committed against him. In his absence, the Europeans had raised Anubis above all other gods, and committed atrocities in His dark name.

in 2003, Australian forces engage the Martians in Antarctica with disastrous results. However, one unit does manage to steal a Martian ship. Unable to fly it, they place it on a naval vessel that immediately heads for home. The Martians obviously think the ship was destroyed, because no one chases after them.


Anonymous said...

"Don't You Want Me Baby"? Is this in the same timeline where the Human League is a racist terrorist group? If so, who wrote the song in that timeline?

Robbie Taylor said...

The Pete Best-Superstar timeline is not the same timeline as the one where the Human League is a terrorist organization fighting the alien Mlosh. In the Pete Best-Superstar timeline, the Human League is just a one-hit wonder pop-band who happened to have their hit covered by another band. Sorry about the confusion - but thanks for coming to the site!

brendan said...

As far as I remember, the Human League (the group that is) got their name from a board game called Star Force... in this timeline anyway. It involved some kind of future war between The Human League and The Pansentient Hegemony. There's more about it here.

Nitpicking aside, this is an excellent and highly addictive site, and I'll definitely be buying the calendar! :-)

Robbie Taylor said...

I never knew much about the Human League (the band, that is), except for the one song. That's a great bit of trivia about them, though - maybe I can work it into something :)

Thanks for letting me know I have another buyer for the calendar :) I won't be making a post about it, because I don't really want to break the 4th wall, but I will have a link on the sidebar about various TIAH swag that's going to be available in the fall.

Thanks for coming to the site!

Afront said...

Interesting you mention the Human League... you may be interested to know I've been documenting their paramementic prophecies on my site. Ultimately, the Pansentient League win the war. Keep up the good work!

TIAH Editor says we'd like to move you off the blog, if you're browsing the archives - and most people are - more than half of them are already on the new site. We need to be sure the new web site accomodates your archive browsing needs because we don't want to lose any readers. Please supply any feedback or comments by email to the Editor and please note the blogger site is shutting on December 1st.