Monday, August 02, 2004

Einstein's Letter To The President

August 2nd, 2004

in 1074, Mahmud I, emperor of the Ottoman Empire, conqueror of Austria and Russia, light of Allah, was born in Istanbul.

in 1801, representatives of the British, French and Spanish colonies, the Iroquois, and the Mlosh meet to adopt the Articles of Confederation. While the European powers have little choice but to watch, their North American colonies are joined with the native and alien peoples in a strong, new nation.

in 1922, actor Carroll O’Connor was born. One of those good actors who seemed to turn up in bad productions, O’Connor was cast in a British import show, Till Death Do Us Part in the 1970’s, with hopes that he could carry it. Unfortunately, not even O’Connor’s prodigious talent could save the show, and it was cancelled mid-season.

in 1923, President Warren G. Harding dies in a hotel room, in the arms of a young woman who was not his wife. Before the scene can be cleaned up, the press arrive, and the story is spread across the country. Harding’s Vice-President, Calvin Coolidge, resigns in disgrace, unwilling to take office in such a manner. This makes the Republican Speaker of the House, Frederick Gillett of Massachusetts, the President of the United States.

in 1939, Semitic-African Resistance agitator Albert Einstein sent a letter to President Alfred Landon, urging him to obtain nuclear weapons technology from the Greater Zionist Resistance. Einstein warns Landon that the German Underground will not be content to stay within the borders of Germany, and that America should consider them nothing less than a mortal enemy.

in 1961, the Silver Beatles, headed by drummer Pete Best, begin regular engagements in Liverpool’s Cavern Club. After Best leaves the band the next year, they keep playing with replacement drummer Ringo Starr, but without Best, the band has no real charisma.

in 2000, the black hole at the center of our galaxy is harnessed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and he uses it to swallow whole star systems and grow even more powerful. The forces of galactic justice suggest evacuation to all races capable of leaving the galaxy as they contemplate what they can do in response.

in 2003, the only problem with Dr. Sheridan’s plan was that the Martians were between us and the asteroid belt. As many ships as could be assembled flew out; Martians who were untouched by the nanobot virus waited for them in the cold of space.


Michel said...

I think you may have mistyped there: 1696, not 1074 :)

Robbie Taylor said...

It's 1074 in the Muslim calendar; in this timeline, Islam is ascendant over most of the world.

Michel said...

Egg on my face. Bah :)

Do you have an exact AH date? The only 4th of August in AH 1074 is 12 Muharram 1074 -- 4 August 1663 according to my date converter, but all my sources have Mahmud I born in 1696...

Robbie Taylor said...

I would like to have a converter for most of the calendars I use, but I tend to use approximations, sadly; if anyone can point me to a converter online or otherwise, I would be most grateful!

Michel said... is a good one.

Anonymous said...

A very good one. My only complaint is that the parent host's comments form isn't working, so I couldn't successfully ask them how one submits new calendars. (I'd like to see the Discordian, Tranquility and 'Pataphysical calendars on that page or the one at Fourmilab, but Walker has hidden his email address, so I can't contact him either.)

— Dezz Staarlinn

Anonymous said...

Addendum: according to Calendar Home, August 2, 1696, was 3 Muharram 1108. Michel may want to add that date to his annotation as well.

— Dezz Staarlinn

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