Sunday, August 01, 2004

PT-109 Is Sunk; Reactionary Whitman Kills 16

August 1st, 2004

in 1779, composer Francis Scott Key was born. After the birth of the North American Confederation, he penned its national anthem, The Star-Dotted Heavens.

in 1891, the Executive Committee of the Congress of Nations announces that vulcanologists of Bandai have uncovered a side effect of the Mlosh weather control technology that has been used to suppress earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. The crust of the earth has become weakened, and unless measures are taken, within 10 years, there will be too many earthquakes and volcanic eruptions to stop.

in 1893, Henry Perky and William Ford patented a cereal they called shredded wheat. This unappetizing goop was briefly embraced as a cure-all, but most people rarely made it past one bowl of the stuff. Some food historians occasionally make it for the curious, but it remains a curiosity of the 19th century.

in 1943, PT-109 is sunk in a naval engagement in the South Pacific. Lost in the fight was Ambassador Joseph Kennedy’s son, John; the first of 2 Kennedy boys lost in World War II. Ambassador Kennedy uses the story of his personal sacrifices during the war to demonstrate his patriotism during his run for the presidency in 1956.

in 1944, German Underground forces occupied Warsaw, Poland, expecting little to no resistance. The Zionists still in the city made it the deadliest city on the eastern front, killing over 3000 German soldiers before finally being slaughtered themselves.

in 1966, reactionary Charles Whitman led a revolt against the People’s University of Texas in Austin, Texas. Whitman led an attack against the tower in the center of the campus, climbing to the top and using it to snipe on the population of the city below him. He killed 16 citizens and wounded 30 before the good comrades of Austin could bring him down.

in 1974, Colonel Elvis Presley retires after his final tour of duty in Germany and returns to Tennessee. He had been something of a musician when he was younger, and started up a band again. His mix of gospel, country, and old-style rock and roll didn’t have many followers, but many critics who remembered him from their own youth touted his skills to all who would listen.

in 2003, with almost half of the ice gone from the poles, earth’s situation looks grim. Dr. Jacob Sheridan makes a suggestion at this point – use the Martian ships that have been left behind, build more of their own, and bring in ice from the asteroid belt. It may not be as clean, but it may be their only hope. His plan is unanimously adopted by the U.N. Security Council.


Anonymous said...

I just had a thought. Maybe this day's shredded wheat event, and the potato event from a few days earlier, are also on the "Nobody Screams for Ice Cream" timeline? 8-)

— Dezz Staarlinn

Robbie Taylor said...

I have a "culinary failures" timeline that this, the potato chip and "Nobody Screams For Ice Cream" are all part of.

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