A Quaint Cottage With One Bedroom

August 3rd, 2004

in 1492, Christopher Columbus set sail from Spain for India, traveling west across the Atlantic Ocean. Unfortunately, his crews mutinied when it appeared that he had underestimated how long the voyage would take, and he was killed and thrown overboard. The Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria became pirate vessels, waylaying ships traveling in the western Atlantic.

in 1851, rum-runner Lady Isabella Caroline Somerset is born. Lady Isabella was famous for the flow of alcohol at her parties resembling a large, heady river. Oscar Wilde once said of her mansion, “If you removed all the bottles, it would be a quaint cottage with one bedroom.”

in 1891, the Congress of Nations authorizes an expedition to the asteroid belt to gather material to strengthen the earth’s crust. The wealth of all the nations on earth is bent towards this endeavor; ships are built or modified to fly in interstellar space as quickly as possible.

in 1963, the Silver Beatles give their final performance, sans Pete Best, at the Cavern Club in Liverpool, England. Since their parting of the ways with Best, their crowds have been getting smaller and smaller, and the management has asked them to find some other venue to perform in.

in 4675, Emperor Deng Ziopeng establishes the first Chinese colony outside the solar system with the beginning of Yang Gao in the Tchou star system. Yang Gao will grow to rival the earth itself, one day.

in 1989, the Toledo Mudhens Town Ball team sends a record 20 men to bat, getting another record 16 hits in one inning as they score 14 runs in the 1st inning.

in 2000, the forces of galactic justice, led by The Shining One, plunge into the black hole that is He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and expend their full energy in creating a dimensional barrier between Him and our galaxy. Many of them are extinguished by this effort; but the black hole is destroyed.

in 2003, the harsh restrictions of Pope Righteous I have produced a band of outlaws that refuse the mark of righteousness, produce literature that denounces the Pope, and declares that the Holy British Empire is Babylon reborn. Most sensible people ignore these Protestant heretics, but many are convinced to join their number.