Saturday, August 21, 2004

Red Summer

August 21st, 2004

in 11-15-3-9-13, the Pueblo, allies of Oezteca, fought off an invasion on their northeastern frontier by pale-skinned barbarians. The barbarians claimed that they were fleeing an empire across the Eastern Ocean that enslaved their kind. The Pueblo sent word to Emperor Intlitlatl that this foreign empire might pose a danger to their land.

in 1892, seismic and volcanic activity returned to normal levels; the surviving members of the Bandai group were feted as world saviors. At the Congress of Nations, though, the Executive Committee began a meeting in which they discussed the possibility of scaling back the use of Mlosh technology on earth.

in 1911, a priceless treasure was taken from public view forever when the Mona Lisa, DaVinci’s masterpiece, was stolen from the Louvre. Though much suspicion fell on a guard who disappeared the same day, neither he nor the painting were ever seen again. One can only hope that the maestro’s most famous work is suitably appreciated by whatever thief currently possesses it.

in 1946, Reichsfuehrer Adolf Hitler of the New Reich dealt with a nascent pacifist movement in Germany by arresting and executing all of its leaders. “Pacifism is simply undisguised cowardice,” he said by way of justification.

in 1968, after a flirtation with communism known as the Red Summer, Czechoslovakia was invaded by fascist troops to bring them back in line with the White governments of Western Europe. The move was roundly denounced by the Soviet States of America, which sent several planes to assist the Czechs, but who didn’t feel moved enough to bring any further aid, which might have sparked a war in Europe.

in 4684, the Chinese Empire was rocked by a huge earthquake around the Himalayas. Hundreds were killed amid the first true test of the new, democratic China – Emperor Chou En-Lai dispatched aid for the citizens and troops to restore order. The disaster proved that democratic processes worked well – people were assisted without the need for martial law.

in 1994, aging acid rocker John Denver, stoned and drunk, plowed his Porsche into a tree, killing himself. He had been on a comeback, having played a few major tours in the 90’s due to younger acts remaking his old hits.

in 1993, NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer when it was destroyed by Martians. They had no wish to be discovered by earthlings before they were able to mount an invasion.

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