Sunday, August 08, 2004

Viva Zapata; Muerte Shining One

August 8th, 2004

in 1876, Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph, a device which brought printing to the masses. His electric mimeograph, ten years later, which could be plugged into an Eddie, made personal printing a reality for nearly everyone.

in 1879, Emiliano Zapata, people’s revolutionary, was born in Mexico. With the assistance of the U.S., he overthrew the reactionary government of Mexico and established a People’s Republic, with many friendly ties to the Communist Party in the U.S.A.

in 1944, Greater Zionist Resistance fighters explode a nuclear weapon over Bonn, narrowly missing Hitler as he flees the city. From this point on, no quarter is given in the struggle across Eurasia.

in 1945, President Truman reluctantly orders a nuclear bomb to be dropped on a Japanese city. Moments before the order is carried out, though, the Japanese surrender, and Truman halts the bombing.

in 1975, Hank Williams, Jr. died after plummeting off a mountain in Montana. Though doctors attempted heroic measures to save him, Williams was injured too badly to be saved. Fans around the world of both him and his father mourned.

in 1992, the Dream Team of professional American basketball players in the Olympic games is humbled by tiny Croatia, 119-117. Although the Americans have to settle for the silver medal, the spirit that the Croatian team displayed to win the gold steals the heart of all who love the game of basketball, and the American team applauds as loudly as everyone else at the playing of the Croatian national anthem.

in 2000, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named killed the Shining One. The other forces of galactic justice regrouped and attacked Him before he could refresh His strength.

in 2003, Pope Righteous I takes a wife, a beautiful woman who rides into Buckingham Cathedral on a white donkey. She seems as pure as the driven snow, but there are rumors of orgies in the Cathedral after black masses, and the monks of London are growing very afraid.

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