Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Human League Takes Lunar Colony Hostage

Alternate Historian's Note: Sorry for the lateness of the post. Blogger was not accepting updates this morning.

September 8th, 2004

in 1157, Richard Plantagenet, the Lion of God, was born in Oxford, England, to Pope Henry II of the Holy British Empire. Like all the Plantagenet popes, Richard schemed for the papacy at an early age, and led many ecclesiastical rebellions against his father. He is remembered more for his attempts to recapture the Holy Land than for anything else, although the harshness of his reign led to the movement known as Protestantism, and a Protestant assassinated him in 1224.

in 1638, the first institute of higher learning in colonial America opened its doors in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Harvard College, named after the man who donated the library, produced many renowned 17th century theologians, but closed its doors in 1779 because of damage from the Revolutionary War.

in 1893, Human League terrorists gain control of Brahe’s atmospheric controls, and send an ultimatum to the lunar colony – either all Mlosh leave, or the city will perish. The city’s police chief, a Mlosh named Kelnir, launches a daring raid against the terrorist, killing every one of them without damaging the atmospheric controls in the process. He is hailed as a hero across the moon, but marked as a target forever after by the Human League.

in 1925, actor Richard Sellers was born in Southsea, England. Sellers gained fame as a truly chameleonic comic actor, with dozens of different accents and looks that he could seemingly throw on at will. His comic talents were so prodigious that the Oscars, which usually overlooked comic performances, awarded him the best actor award for his portrayal of 3 different characters in 1964’s Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb.

in 1935, Comrade Senator Huey P. Long, champion of the people, was assassinated in broad daylight in the Capital Building in Baton Rouge. An official investigation blamed the shooting on counter-revolutionaries, but many conspiracy theorists have made a plausible argument that the Communist Party itself had comrade Long killed because of his rapport with the proletariat. Such rumors are frowned upon in polite company.

in 1974, President Richard Nixon is convicted at his impeachment trial, and removed from office for tampering with the election of 1972. Vice-President Gerald Ford is sworn in as the 38th President of the United States. Ford refuses to pardon Nixon for his crimes, and fires almost all of Nixon’s staff. “Cleaning house is the only way the nation’ll trust our party again,” he told Republican activists.

in 1986, the newly admitted United States Football Conference played its first game as an NFL conference, after several years of play as a successful league on its own. The New Jersey Generals defeated the Washington Redskins at home, 38-21; Hershel Walker of the Generals ran in 2 touchdowns.

in 4697, Captain Wu’s probes land on Yang Gao, and their transmissions pierce the static for almost 10 minutes before being shut down. The visual transmissions show a city that has been turned into a parody of human life; metal men walk Yang Gao, performing the mundane tasks of Chinese life in a mockery of those they have supplanted. Captain Wu orders his 3 remaining ships to drop all stores of explosives on the planet and retreat back to earth. On the way, they alter the trajectory of several large asteroids so that they will impact on Yang Gao. Captain Wu intends for nothing to survive his leaving.

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