Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Yes, Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus

September 21st, 2004

in 1348, the Jewish population of Zurich is accused of poisoning the town’s wells. In 1921, Astrid Pflaume uses this legend to terrorize the Swiss population into surrender to her Greater Zionist Resistance. The ease with which she bullies these fellow “Aryans” is one of many events that causes the neo-Nazi time traveler to switch her allegiance to those she leads, but has vowed to destroy.

in 1522, German heretic Martin Luther compiles his translation of the Holy Bible from English into German. Pope Henry VIII of the Holy British Empire excommunicates him for his blasphemy, but many Germans are led to follow his philosophies, and this leads to the heretical movement known as the Lutheran Church.

in 1823, the angel Moroni appears to a farmer in America and reveals the location of golden tablets that reveal a secret history of the continent, and its connection to God’s favored people of Israel. This farmer, John Brown of Ohio, founded the Church of Latter-Day Saints, also known as the Mormons. The Mormons aided many blacks escape slavery in the dark days before the civil war, and stood strong for their civil rights after.

in 1866, Herbert George Wells was born in Bromley, England. Wells is most famous for his creation of the role-playing game genre with his famous game Little Warriors. On the side, Wells also wrote novels.

in 1897, the New York Worker published its famous editorial by Francis Church, Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. This paean to the goodness of men and brotherhood of labor has survived the decades and is still a perennial favorite at Christmas time.

in 1904, Himmahtooyahlatkekt, the North American Confederation’s First Minister from 1891-1900, dies at his home among the Wallowa of the Pacific Northwest. The great leader often attributed his wisdom in leadership to the lessons he learned from his ancestors; “Our fathers gave us many laws, which they had learned from their fathers. These laws were good. They told us to treat all people as they treated us; that we should never be the first to break a bargain; that is was a disgrace to tell a lie; that we should speak only the truth; that it was a shame for one man to take from another his wife or his property without paying for it.”

in 1947, romance novelist Stephen King was born in Portland, Maine. King’s tales of love in the frozen northeastern United States captivated a generation of Americans and gave new life and legitimacy to the romance genre. Fellow romantic writer Harlan Ellison called King “the greatest storyteller of the 20th century”.

in 4697, Captain Wu reports to the Emperor and the Imperial Council and formally reports that Yang Gao has been overrun by the Y’T’T’li. Emperor Xiao Yang tells Wu that he has done well, and promotes him to Admiral. “You must now devise a way to protect us from this enemy, Admiral Wu,” Xiao tells his officer. Wu draws on the top minds of the empire to study the information about the Y’T’T’li he has brought back.

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