President Gore Throws Pitch In World Series

October 30th, 2004

in 1485, the Papal Guards, popularly known as Beefeaters, were created by Pope Henry VII. They have guarded Buckingham Cathedral and all the Popes of the Holy British Empire since then.

in 1650, the murderous cult that called itself The Society of Friends first gained its popular name of Quakers when founder George Fox told them that “the unbelievers will quake and tremble at our approach”.

in 1902, an encrypted message was broadcast from the old Mlosh colony ship in the Sahara Desert towards the center of the galaxy. Many human radio astronomers were able to intercept the message, but no one was able to break the code on it. By this point, the Sahara was teeming with the alien race, since the colony ship wasn’t large enough to hold them all. Human messengers sent to the site were rebuffed politely but firmly, and the Mlosh refused to respond to vidcoms.

in 1938, the Mercury Theater was interrupted by breaking news from New Jersey of an invasion from Mars. After the hideous takeover of our government, the news program was passed off as a “hoax” by radio actor Orson Welles; the truth wasn’t revealed until decades later, when the Red Planet’s influence was finally eradicated from our government.

in 4646, Star Sailor Yang LiWei was born on the moon colony, the first child born there since it was repopulated after contact with the Chdo. Yang was the first human being to see the galactic core, traveling there in the experimental Chdo-Human hybrid vessel, the Black Swan.

in 1958, after convincing the Soviet government to allow him to travel to Sweden for the Nobel Prize Awards so that he could refuse his, Arthur Miller officially requested political asylum from the Swedish government. In his request, he denounced the state of free speech within the Soviet States of America, and likened the influence of America to “an iron curtain that has descended across all of North America, squelching artistic and political expression in subservience to the state.” Needless to say, Comrade President Joel Rosenberg lost no time denouncing Miller as a reactionary counter-revolutionary, no friend of the common people.

in 1995, the Canadian province of Quebec narrowly approves a referendum on secession from Canada. After intense negotiations, it becomes the sovereign nation of Quebec in 1997, followed by New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and Newfoundland/Labrador. In 1999, British Columbia and Yukon Territories join the United States by treaty, and by the end of the century, Canada is only the center of the former great nation.

in 2001, President Al Gore threw out the 1st pitch at game 3 of the World Series between the New York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks. Republicans denounced his action roundly; as trivial showboating when America was at war with terrorism; as dangerous to the nation, since he didn’t wear a bullet-proof vest while on the mound; and as wimpy, since his pitch didn’t strike out the batter. Just as he had during his campaign, President Gore laughed off the Republican complaints; a winning strategy - he seems to be on his way to reelection.